Analysis

I hold a glass in my hand
Magnifying each view
The creatures scurry about
Listening to wild sounds which are rather soft
The glass shakes in my hand as I try to keep it still
The voices grow louder
And more inconsequential
I turn my focus now
Chomping at the face
Firm belief and brilliant common sense
Eludes them for now
The voices drown down now
They have nothing left to say
Alone in their minds
But they try to escape it
With fake passes of time
Unable to choose
Anything

Clock-unwise

I'm staring at the second-hand on an old wooden clock
Ticking away ruthlessly
My body twitches
For I want to use time well
But is it for me to control?
I sail everyday just like you do
And I breathe once in a while
Just to realize that now is alright
And then might never come to me
It isn't that complex if I choose to take a step back...
Just one tiny step
And I look at their backs
And their heads bowed down
Hiding a frown...
Carpe Diem - said a voice
It was a child on the ground
Seizing... not clutching...
It's easy to be swept away with the crowd
It's easy to be broken down
It's easier to take a small step back

Frozen

There was fear in his eyes as he clutched his bottle.
His steps grew shorter and his back grew heavy.
He stared at shards of stone being mercilessly thrown away by ugly, uncouth men.
Unmelodious sounds touched his ears and he longed for his mother's touch.
She is the only one who can keep him from the cruel world.
He stood still now for the fear made him shrink.

The sounds stopped as everyone saw what I was looking at...
I saw the child smile.

Hold

Most of us will have departed before we will have known
Who we are and where we would like to be
We will not have seen as much as we would have liked to
And we will have regrets.

Most of life will have passed us by and
We will pray once again
If only we could live for a bit at a younger age
Seen more and cherished more
Grasped more than we chose to.

We will have ignored that which was present
And we will have dreaded that which was not
If only we could have controlled our thoughts
Then our pains would have been subdued.

If that be the case
What purpose will this life have served...

Music

I tore a page of white to cover my scrawny face.
You shall not see the spots
For I am too scared
May be just hold onto that which is dear
Not for you to see and for you to judge
I thought I would never play it again
But I am now out of fear
And I see that I am better at it now than I ever used to be
Seemed too mechanical at first
But now seems interesting
I may never be good at it
But I can say proudly now, 'I tried.'

Lessons

While I stand at this bridge and see the cars zoom by below my feet, I think about all the rides that we decide to go through. I grow tired of the monotony of the cars, all the while knowing that every car has a different story and there are smiles and frowns inside each car. Change is difficult to fathom and still we move like ants in a mini-cage, towards that which is never know, knowing fully well that the journey makes like interesting. We move because we don't have much else to do. We congregate because that is supposed to be the way of life. Sorrows, they come and go and still we hold on to them as though they will never leave. It makes me smile when I remember all the days gone by when I used to be full of pain, then again, there are very few of those days - partially because I choose to remember me smiling. And frankly, I don't even have to try to smile, it just happens. It's not seen well by the people around me who view me as a cynic and a bottled soul. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and it's the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors - what may look like contradictory statements are in fact synonymous. I find great solace in the white clouds above my head today for they move so fluently and carelessly. Occasionally, I start singing. The songs are usually sad, because sad songs appeal to me. I believe it's rather difficult to write about happiness, but venting sadness comes rather naturally to people. Have you ever held a rod in your hands and wondered why it decided to remain a rock? We are all here to learn!

Scratching at the surface now...

It's a continual scrape at my chest as my heart shivers violently.
I'm scared, to tell you the truth.
I'm scared of what lies ahead and I feel like breaking down.
I don't want it anymore,
I just crave to escape it.
May be I'll keep running away from one city to the next,
Till I find solace and some breath.
There's a throbbing pain at my head;
Something's prodding from underneath my bone.
I can withstand it for now,
But the way I see it ending is
Me falling into the sea
And not being able to shout for help;
May be I don't want help.
That shall be my goodbye.

Influences

As she stared at me, she knocked at my face
She asked me to sing.
And sing I did.
It wasn't pleasant, but it was a relief.

Stroking my hair, she asked me to dance.
'Noway!!' I bellowed
She pushed me to the ground
And I spat back at her
With the movement of my feet.

There was nothing in me
I had never felt it growing
But there I was
A grown man
Believing in the truth and
Believing that good things happen
As long as I would push hard.

When I look back
All that I can say is that she was a painful influence
And I would be happy to rid myself of her
But not yet.
I still need to use her
May be she will throw me away tomorrow
I hope she does.

Penning thoughts

Writing a story today with this pen I hold
The music helps me out
Melodies and harmonies
How amusing they are!!
For they can lift an idle mind's soul
He said to me that there was nowhere but disaster
I nodded along
I cared not to believe as much
Well, it's his wish I say
And what will be will be
For now, I have to write a short story
About my mind and the peace it longs for
Won't be long before I will realise if I fit in
Let's just say that I long for my home
There are no sexual desires
There are no burning ambitions
There is, however, a want for adventure
I aim to entertain myself with these experiments
A playground, I call it at times
Sometimes I succumb to it
And I hold my head and cry out some tears
For life is perplexing
And an occasional smile makes me smile
I now walk
Or am I standing still?
Time will tell

Chaos

For all that is needed is a sliver of truth
Not through the mouth
But in one's eyes
Some old and passionate courage
Lost as it is
To the drumming of a mundane life;
Spice it up and fly all down
Snap a twig and lay beneath the clouds
Hear the snap carefully
For we have forgotten what that is.
Clenched teeth and frigid bodies
I see you now as you hold yourself together
Wary of being run over
Of being hurt and feeling pain,
Forget it all for one moment
And give way to the spirit within
Soar as you may
For you are able;
Say yes to chaos
For you are not a special seed
You will wither just as another...
Take some pictures now
For embedded in your mind they shall remain,
Long for the extremes
You will never near them
But a different horizon will be seen
For the smile within and the sights forever
Hold them close, but not too tight
For you will let go
As you will me
And you will you
Permanence is a concept
Unfounded as its utterance

Presence

Flowers in the sky with petals falling now
The bright violets adorn the air
For I can see with my eyes
That nobody stands
Between that beauty and I
It's all so simple to understand
For life is made complex.
Colours play their role
And we aim to make sense.
There is a drought in our minds
And we wallow fruitlessly
Smiling away at the birds
At the onset of warmth...
Find the glow within
It's omniscient.

Breathe, Read and Shut Your Eyes

When will our miseries end?
When shall we smile once again?
Look up at the sky and see the clouds
And the skies in their vastness
And not think once
Not once of why 'tis so...
We are doomed in our pursuits;
We fail to live
And smile with the children;
For we are slaves
Till we reach our end,
'Tis then that we will smile
And look at the days that went by...
When we believed in love
And the simplicity of the sky
And the feel of warmth
Of a silent mind.

And how we let it go by...


How would you have reacted if this poem had been written by a well known poet?
And would you have read it differently?

Eyes Shut

When will I wake up from this torturous nightmare?
It is beautiful in essence but it lacks the peace.
Everything always ends
And so shall this
But the wait kills me each day
As I sit and moan
Thinking of the thorns
Longing to go back
Longing to stay shut
Tired of this monstrosity
Tired of this dream.

Lament

Once in a while...
All that you want...
Is to die...

A night at the Pub

A man in a suit sat alone at this nice pub; he ordered a pint of guinness beer and a tray of salted peanuts. He looked angry and bottled, or may be that's what I say, which of course is the same thing. Once in a while, he would glance around at the people around him. I saw envy in his eyes as most people sat in couples and most of them were smiling, but there he was; alone and miserable.
A woman sat by him. Now, she's not a person I would have ever spoken to, but may be this man's desperation led him to speak to this 'lady'. She wore a short dress and more than the requisite make-up; clearly she was a hooker or a prostitute. I saw them talking and I wanted to make sure that I was not seen spying on them.
You see, I had been hired by the guy's wife as a detective. In my profession, I have seen too many guys with too many chicks, fucking. It astonishes me, the extent to which a guy can go just to take care of his johnny. Me? I am a simple guy. I don't have anyone, nor will I ever have anyone; I'm not interested in fuckin' around and I can wait till whenever, I'm in no hurry. Coming back to this particular night:
I saw the 2 of them smile after a while; the guy's smile had a hint of mischief in it and the girl's smile was all about getting paid for the night. Let's face it... life is tough, and sometimes, people do what they believe they should do. The bill, the card, the bill, the signature and some loose change. They walk out, followed by another gentleman - that would be me.
There is something exciting about following a couple of people who are going to do what these two were about to do; may be I would see them in action, may be I would refrain from it. My orders, or rather, requests, were that I tell my client all the details of the night, down to the brand of the condom, if there indeed was a condom.
I follow them to a house; clearly the man was single, for the house seemed a mess. Off came the clothes in as mechanical a way as the skin of a potato. The woman did have a fine body and I was more than happy to see her naked beauty; must say that she looked better without clothes than with clothes. Now, people assume this to be true for most cases, but let me tell you, a woman looks best with her clothes on - always. This particular woman looked good without her clothes simply because of the way she had adorned herself prior to her attire coming off. I heard her scream and decided to call it quits; I dialed my client and proceeded to tell her the details.
She was panting and I could here an echo from inside the house, "We're alright, thank you!"

A Performance

Hacking at the wind
Swinging wildly
Arms sore
And thoughts numb
People gaze
And murmurs erupt.
Stopping the noise
I stand in their midst
Focused on the air
And conscious of the futility
Inflating my ego
As I play a role
Of an iconoclast
Oblivious to their minds
And weary of mine.

Blues

There is a tinge in the air
That makes my eyes squint
I stand here right now
Gazing at the various blues
Nobody for miles around me
And black rocks dot the shore
The crashing of the water
And the defeating roar that follows
Not from the sea
But from within me
A soft voice roars
To stand back
And be afraid
There is a shine in the sky
And words flow through my head
Believing all that is possible
With the miracle of life
And all that stands behind me
As I gaze out at the various blues
And remember the times
When I had a feeble mind
And my worries were short lived
And my consciousness was a rumour
I stare out at the various blues
And I see the black rocks dotting the shore
And I smile wide

Moshun

Excruciating pain fills my arms as the music pours through my ears. I feel my brain go numb with all the random sounds. My eyes lose focus and I am unable to stand up. Clipping my big toe off of my right foot and hanging by a noose around my waist I look at the world. You did this to me, you sick, wicked whore! There is no escaping the punishment that awaits you. No, I don't believe in karmic forces - it's just something that will happen to you, you ratfuck! There were blonde streaks as you tried to adapt but I remember filling up your room with water and unleashing electricity through it. Everything torched when I added some crude oil and I smoked my last cigarette. There is no escaping my pain as I feel my nose being ripped off and I feel my legs being torn away. Blood flowing down my body and cries of pain muffled the air around me. There is no escape. I am a whore who needs to be disposed of and I will leave this place one day.

Numb

Painless skin on a pale face
Walking to the flats
Where nothing lay and nothing shall
Drawn to the gloom
And spit from the womb
Of the hearty earth
Which had no space
Tears of fire
Rolling down his body
As he wept for some shoulder
Thorns surround and feet bleed
For to the dead he walked on well
Collapsing but a few feet away
He moaned a painful moan
Only to be swallowed by the land
From which he had grown.

Flawed Perfection

When you get really close to a person you can see the truth.
When you are close enough such that the sunlight bounces of their skin,
And the grains of the eyes are seen well,
You see the flaws and you see the perfection.
And sometimes, you see both at the same time in the same place.
It's akin to ambivalence.
Everybody is hideous and pure.
The truth lies in a secret place that one can find only when one is away from one's comfort zone.
May be when one keeps asking oneself questions and striving to find answers.
The questions are futile and the answers make no sense and one grows tired of the monotonous melancholy.

Second Degree Burn

I sat facing a fire in the desert
And reached out to the flame
I felt the burn and the pain
But decided to hold my hand still
And stare into that light

That pain still bites me,
Because when I look at my hand,
I see all that I used to be
I used to be potential
But as I sit in my chair now
And look at the walls
I see that I will have nothing
Anger can kill things.

Boy

Vanity has been hollowed and for good reason,
I will not accept pride and fiefdom.
See how wretched we get with age
As it gnaws at our exterior
There is nothing to cling onto
Except for the various chemicals that keep us new
For the soul rots from within
And the soul is seen by the ones who were close
Take a look at yourself darling
There is nothing that you can wake yourself up to
There is a constant burden at your heart
And the peace is long gone.

Turn back to how things once were
As only a few years ago
When your eyes were big
And you were naive
When you were small and you looked up
With your small frame and your absent mind
Thoughts ran through your head
And words never came out
You were cheated by a few
And you were alone
This was before you were proud.

Remind yourself that you have lost things now
And that you will find things soon
You will find a way
And a place in this world
And some day soon...
You will sleep at peace again
Hoping that it is not disturbed.

But remember this my darling
You will always be disturbed
Because you are wretched at heart
And the vile will find a way out.
Remember then, as I ask you now
To look at that picture from many years ago
When you stepped out alone
And knew that you were alone.

Warriors of Life

There is a song in my heart when I look at her lines
I aim to sail to the line where the twain meet
Every few hours a tear rolls down my skin
Remembering the fire at that hill
And touching the pale of that air

White lights at night bellow at me
To follow them to the darkness
Flight of the birds I see
And I shake my head in disgust

I left my friends behind
And I left my sack at home
I wonder if I ever had one...
Eyes poke at me
For I have lost control

I once thought that I was born with gold
But a realization then dawned
That nothing is made well
And nothing hold its own shape.

I thought that a smile was elusive
And memories were haunting
I see now that nothing need be forgotten
Your mind does that for you

So I will hold your head
And you will hold mine
As I sail with you
Towards that distant line
Where the twain meet
And creatures fill our heart

Fear not
For all will be lost
It is a certainty
Hold that knowledge well
And I will hold you
Till I have the courage to.

River

With my back against the coconut shell I stared at the sky
Waiting for the water to drop down on me
A gentle breeze and my feet in the water
Saw some fish around me and I made a gurgling sound
Whistling at the air and thinking of space
Was away from them as they ate each other raw
Was away from touch and that is just unfathomable
The roar of the water turned loud
As I neared a fall
I panicked at first and then let go
As I fell that deep length
And now I fly
Alone and in my space
Staring at the stars as I had always dreamed
Looking at the beings in disgust
And watching over the ones who used to be dear.

Pictures in Sand

Brown haired boy drawing in the sand,
The wind waving his hair and he continues
Painting pictures of beliefs of happiness...
Waves lash around and he continues
A soft murmur from the tress ahead
But he cared not to look up
He has the stick and he continues
Looking down at his creations
And how happy he feels
Turning his face to his right,
He saw the boulder that had stood there for long
As long as he could remember
He longed to look beyond it
But he was too short
And he thought he was too weak
So he went up to the shore line,
And then up the gentle slope of sand
Only to witness his height altered.
Climbing to the top of a coconut tree
Afraid of falling
And afraid of crying with pain
He looked now, beyond the boulder.
All he could see was water
He was disappointed
But then he turned to crawl back down

He had been longing for something that he had possessed for too long
Ignoring the murmurs from the trees
Ignoring all that could change his life
All that he cared not for...
He had given himself up to the boulder
For too long,
He cried now for he saw what he should have seen earlier
Tiny people
The same size as him and
The same make as him
He thought that he would crawl down and run to them
But when he came down, he thought
He thought that he should, once again,
Go and see the pictures
He saw the pictures
The pictures were from inside him
He destroyed them...
Not really...
Those pictures still remain,
But they no longer haunt him
He unburdened himself
And he walked to the other side

He is sad now.
He is sad for he was happy alone.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
He thinks now, of the time when he can
Once again...
Go back to his sand,
And hold his brush
And draw again...
Away from people
Away from opinions
And away from attachment
His boulder was his support
But he felt too weak now.
He was too weak.



Some weeks ago
I saw the boy again
He held the hand of a tall woman
She guided him to security
Away from the lecherous little people
To fire and to warmth
To seclusion and to contentment
Away from the boulder
To a new land
And a new thought
And a new form
She left him there
To find his own way
And grow up by himself.

I met the boy today
He was crying
I reached out to touch his face
And he reached out to touch mine.

Hatred

When I channel my focus on hatred, it is a powerful tool. I used it against that demon lady. She had a body to kill for and so I decided to kill my anger. I turned it to hatred just as you did. I hate you with the frustration of magma. You did nothing except strip down in front of me and unleash your glorious nakedness. When you did that, all that I could wait for was to destroy you. Destruction is good for it allows change. Change is good and evil because it creates life.
There were times when she wanted her sexual desires fulfilled and all that I could do was give her pain. Orgasmic, glorious pain. Her screams did not tell me that, her eyes did. She would come back for more, and I would never allow her to touch me.
One day, I broke a glass and used a shard to scrape skin off of my thighs. I had to let the pressure out. People don't know this, but the colour of blood is exhilarating - the colour. Once I found this source, I decided that this was the end; I would no longer fulfill the desires of that vixen. I thought of killing her but decided against it. Instead, I moved away without a word and sent her vicious reminders of the man she used to be with. I never saw her reactions but I knew that I pained her, because all I wanted was revenge.

Last month, I got married. She is a gentle person and I take care of her. We spend time together and time away from each other. We give each other space and we quarrel once in a while. She knows that I smile often and she also says that I speak in my sleep. She tells me that I speak of holding hands, and once I say that, I put my arms around her. She doesn't know of the demon from my past. She wouldn't believe that I was the same person...

Mist

All shall fade
I cried at that thought
Knowing well, that I truly believed in this.
Death is one of the most evident examples of fades...
Wait for it and live for it
We gnaw at what we hold close
Hoping so much that nothing changes.
But change is what creates entertainment.
Unwanted as it may be...
All shall fade
Hold nothing close
Step back and hold a spear
Jab at who gets close
And crush what gets dear
Better to control sorrow
Rather, its occurrence
Nothing shall remain
For all shall fade

Ladies

It dawned on me a while ago, that she had a hold on me. It wasn't too tight, but somehow it said that there was no escape. The funniest part was that it felt invisible. I had always thought that I would be steering - guess not. Never thought that I would be controlled one day, and even now there is something that tells me that I have not yet been tamed. I still tend to look up and I still tend to believe. May be this is indeed the purpose of life; to make it through, alive. I think about it and I believe that she wants me to come to her, within her circle. The disappointment is that I am drawn. I am torn because I want them both. There is one person who can make me proud and there is another person who can make me content. I wonder if I could choose both of them...

Knife

Sitting on my couch
Dreading the dance and the show
People don't like me anymore
People never liked me, I believe
And then I asked myself something
I asked myself: "Who are you?"

I was dumbfounded
I cried for I knew I was nowhere
There was nothing to anything
I said this as I looked at my feet
They were resting on the coffee table
Just there
No purpose
I punched the wall in anger
Knowing so well it was me who created the need for purpose
Apathy - one called to me
Numb - I called to me

There was no purpose I said
And then I saw hope
A hope that said
"The purpose of life is to go through it alive."
It sounded simple enough

Went to the kitchen
Found a knife
And punctured my chest
I am dying right now
But if I were to die
I could well say...
Purpose fulfilled.

Dust

I look into the sun
And hope for a better day
Pleasing them around me
As I kept drifting to another sky
Follow me now
She was absolutely blind
Blind in heart and free of mind
He said that he would hold my hand
When I said that I did not understand
Shutting people out
And I cried so loud
I cried so loud that night
When I saw that there is nothing there
Only building blocks made of dust
So I toil in search of something blue
Something to keep the fire alive
I'm just keeping the fire alive
There is nothing there
All I see is dust
For I see her jumping to the sky
And I see him gliding through the roads
There are people moaning everywhere
Searching for that fire
That would have laid them bare
Crazy eyes and searching gold
All that they could find was dust
There was nothing there
Except for a little hope
And a little bit of love
Joining hands they walked across the flat
Across the flat earth
Now they live in unison
Away from prying eyes
Away from prying eyes
In their house made of dust

Supreme

No hands to hold
They lay wet
Frowning eyes and burnt black tongues
Shoulders fall as I catch hold
To put you right
To put you right back into your mould
Chisel in hand I stare into your eyes
One crack and the pain begins

No stomach to clasp
My arms are weary
I know you could well rest
Well rest on my chest
But your mind wanders endlessly
Gnawing at things that are dreamy
Well out of reach of all that I offer
Knowing too well that this is for you
This is it

No pillow suits my head now
Dents in the soft
And dense is my skull
The promised land is a dream
All shall be torn
As I will believe one day
In the power of the mundane
Jiving to the lights
Swinging to the hearts

No tear stays back now
Crevices through my skin
Blithe to all else
Rosy skies wipe the water
As I gaze into those eyes
Those eyes belong to an uncertain time
As I clasp my hands
And I wait for approval
From some being I hold divine
From someone who is me

No regrets to the wars fought
Fingers across that skin
Impulses drawn to me
Emotions numbed
As I lay in the snow
And watch the birds fly by
A soft chirp
And I close my eyes
And tell myself
It is but a phase
Of visions gone dry
Of new palletes and strong moves
Light heart and brilliant shine
Bright lights

Juggernaut

Propped up by this hook, falling to the floor
I cry my lungs out in longing memory
Memories they go by and I drain them out...
Sorrow will be upon me
And I wait to see how I shall see
I wait to see how I will see those times
When I have nothing to say and want nothing to do
When no voice can aid me and no hand can touch me
There will be such a time
It pains me to know that I am numb and
It pains me to know that I know not how I will feel
Sometimes I think that you are all that I have
And sometimes I grow tired of you as you do of me
Wheels keep moving and dismembered hands keep falling
Joking around as I sail through these seas
Knowing very well that I do not have the muscle at times
Knowing very well that I may not have any muscle sometimes
It is all an illusion and we believe in it
Comfort it gives us and we swim through these ices

I am waiting to let out a scream
That is what will help me straighten myself
And rid myself of this skin.

Walk Away

Knelt on his bed as he shook off his tire
Looking across at the girl next to him
He wore a coat, a hat and took his heart
Walking alone in the cold below...

Last night was a relief, he thought
Falling away into the darkness of belongings
He wants no attachment
And he wants no society
He wishes to live for nothing
But he always lives for something

It is love, it is ego, it is pride, it is sleep, it is intelligence.
Elusive it is... Everything is out of reach
Always and continually.

He walks alone in the cold
As his head begins to switch off
The cold air numbs the brain
No thoughts, no songs and no cries accumulate
There is room for nothing except for the quest to walk

He stops now,
And shuts his eyes, knowing very well that she is still at home
He hates her and his bed and his home and his clothes
He hates the mere thought of success
He loathes happiness
That's it!
He always loathed happiness...

With eyes shut,
He sees the flat sand and the blue water
A mountain on the horizon
And solace at the top

Passion was missing, he thought
He thought himself intelligent
And he knew that all that awaited on that mountain was peace
He longed for peace now
But he would long for happiness then

Spirals they are
Intertwined and revolting
Black and barren
Souls walk alone on them

Eyes shut
He turned around to go back
To his wife and his daughter
To his sorrow and his joy
To the belief that one day he would be dumb
To the belief that one day he would live