A Rebirth

What happened to those things inside me?
Where did my melancholy go?
I remember myself
And yet that is still me
Could it be real this alchemy
That has calmed me down
To a feeling I have never known
And yet could it be
That I value it not
This lightness of being
This health in my mind
And this joy of my new dance
What happened to the clouds?
What happened to the brooding silences?
May be it was somebody else
May be somebody stole me

Relations

Would there be a strain without them?
What is it to stay just there?
Too many people have failed she says
And yet they strive
To stick to the ways of old
Why must they keep themselves?
In the chains of rust
The neglect of the artists
Will one day take their toll
Fear the future
Where they stay in belief
And ignore truth

Return'd

A week goes by without an eyelid bat'd
Soon a month and then a year
As she jived across that room night last
I asked if time had slowed down
In the morn, there was a change
Time was slower still
The scent of a spice lingered longer
And, once again, people seemed antish
It was time to stop
And look at the pastures
And the rocks looking down on me
And take pride in my creations.

Behold!

If I walked into your eyes
And sang a little word
And I meant it not at all
With lies on my face
Would you think of me the world
Or would you cry with shame unrestrained

There are places in this land
That I have seen not yet
There are sights of horizons vast
That I have sighed at not yet
With you I hope to walk
Onto a dusty path soon
Until the day that dawns
When swallowed I am whole
Into a fiery inferno
Of commitments torturous
To rest on my back
With a heavy leaded heart
And drown in the air I breathe

With the hope that nothing happens

A letter for my love

Your history speaks of you
Things have changed and
You are a product of what has happened
In time gone by

Your ignorant mind
Thinks the world of what is today
And hurries forward
In pursuit of a perfect dream

There are things
That haunt you even today
When you sit up in bed
And think of what may

You have lost belief
In what you feel today
And you are fooled
By the horrors of the past

What happens now you ask?
The same that has been
A warm promise
And a rested mind

A Child in June

It was a whisper in a vast field
The memory I had hidden away
It came back with an odd vengeance
And I recognise little of it now

The rains smell different today
As though a burden lifted from a weary earth
The air seems cleaner
It makes me light

'Tis just a rational exuberance
Like falling from the skies
There is no magic there
Only a potent promise ahead

A Tuesday Evening

Globes of white shone up
There was wonder
And there was a longing
Two lines quivered in red
And a space between was found
Caressed softly in that enclosed space 

Snails

A city can smell its inhabitants
When I saw her speaking through her smile
About 'her city' as she called it
I saw all that the dregs hoped for
And all that the elite strove for

It's odd that wind is invisible
And yet it knocks at us
Prying into our innards
And hoping for some respite
From this city it visits ever so often

There is nothing to live for
And yet, amidst the drear
A shining face with bright eyes
Awakens in us, hope from our hopes past
To live in peace
While people toil by

Oh can it be?

fight it off as though your life depended on it
the wind could be knocked out of you by now
no and never

run like a breeze and if you legs ache
say that it's all in your mind
your legs might be chopped off
before the season changes

are you still afraid of being who you are
so you can hold on to that last thread
of belonging based on who you aren't
well, it doesn't matter now does it
things will change and
you will crash soon

i can hear your heart slow down
and i can see your eyes cry down
things are changing and
there is nothing you can do
no and never

there was sand once where i stand now
and as you can see
the ocean is around me now
things change my love
and i must disappoint you
once again

The World Ahead

All I can do
Is write a few words
As I see the white moon
Above my head
So far away
Looking down on me

When I think of the blue
In the sky beyond
And I think of the distances
Beyond me and farther
I smile a little
At what there is

It is here for now
This life that I can give
An honest word
With an honest look
This life that will leave
When time decided to stop

And all I can do
Is look back
At what I missed
And what I chose
In this life of mine
I chose to make complete

I forget today
All my deep sorrows
And all my fears
As I stare away
At all that I can't see

I cherish today
For all that it gave me
Which will soon be taken
But it is mine for now

All I can do
Is hope for a breath
And a peaceful thought
When it is given to me
And is given by me

Love me one time

He lived a full life, it was what he had wanted since his brain started working. He said things he meant and he abstained from mindless murmur. He made a few friends and held them dear - but oddly they left him, one after another. But the stock found its way of being replenished. And thus, life went on - it was an adventure each day. It was a normal life lived in a normal way - he found his love, he made her his wife and they lived together until the day she died. And as it goes, the grass was always greener on the other side - marriage was ordinary, but his time with her was beautiful. Each day, for him, was worth a gold coin and more. Each touch was cherished and he remembered forever the first day he saw her. He spoke clearly and never thought of leaving her. There were troubled times and there were fights but he knew he wanted to wake up with her every day. But as is the law of life - one day it left her and when he looked upon that cold body he remembered the day he first saw her and how she looked when she cried with anger; he remembered the time when it was 3 am and he woke up to see her sleeping soundly, he remembered hearing her voice after a gap of a few days. He had lived a life without regret. It amazed him how he could sit with a friend and not think of her, but how he longed for a glimpse of her before leaving home the next day.

He wrote in his diary that I found, that he was a romantic. He never gifted and he was never extraordinary. He was honest and caring. He loved each breath of air that filled his lungs, he loved the smell of his wife's hair, he loved the ability of his senses and he loved the world around him. He cared for a lot of things and it amused him always, how people seemed to be ignorant of all that was gorgeous. He knew things would change - they have a way of doing so - but he never knew it would happen so soon.

He got married when he was 29 and his wife died when he was 35. Of course, it took him with surprise - but what could he do? Bite down hard and be afraid of all that he missed?!
He spoke then on about how people ought to cherish those grand things that are just taken for granted. It got through to many but stayed with very few - he marked how people have a way of just being comfortable with a false sense of security. Oddly, it works well for most. But why did she leave him?!

He lived a full life... he lived alone after her demise and he longed for her touch and her voice.
He lived to 78 and he died peacefully with a few friends around him. They were usually around - some new and some old, but all cared for him even though they found him a tad bit boring.
It amazed him that he couldn't find anybody else - he was open to the idea but he loved her still.
Funny how some people are - hopelessly romantic.
They die alone but they never live alone.

Mischief

Was a cold, tiny hand in mine
It had found its warmth
Was a snake coiled around me
On that dead and gorgeous night.

A small wind blew
And I sensed a change in me
Scary was that forgotten feeling
But if forgotten
How could it be true?

Only time would say
If that beckoning was meant
Or was just a grain of time...
Never to be touched again
Or to be cherished forever
In a chasm deep inside
In the chasm reopened...

Seated

A cloudy day
When I looked at my hands
And I brought them near
I rest my head in them
And thought back at what was
It does not make sense now
How that time passed me by...

Oft have we felt that
Time is evil
And yet it heals
I could smell in my palms
The burden of my life before
And yet
As I stand now
I see that life has changed
And my mind is at rest
Staring time in its stride

My Home

See my hand
It finds your flow
I could not care
For the people below
Your smile makes me think
Of a day not too long ago
When the wind blew cold
As I lay by the shore
Of a sleepy old village
Where I felt alone
Sipping on my water
And felt a chill in my bone
Was a long time ago that
When the time was well
When I felt nothing lacking
'cept a grind in my shell
'tis a story so often said
Of a man who found his lady
But nothing can take away from me
The scent of being so free
As you tighten your grip
And fall into your smile
And I let go
To leave you for a while
I look back at your figure
At rest after a day so long
I feel you from afar
And think of this song

Turn

I awoke today to the sound of thunder
It shook me because it was sunny outside
I sat confused
And rubbed my eyes
Could the sound have come from within?

I awoke today to a sparkling light
My world had changed
And nobody stood around
And nobody understood
But I made my peace with it

I felt a jab in my chest
A dagger tried to get through me
I wrestled it
And soon it was thrown
I sat alone and had my breakfast

I smiled when I awoke today
Nothing happened
Nothing

Blade

A shade on her skin was drawn over her well worn face
Her eyes glistened in the sun which was above me

He spit a spit while blathering across the table
While she sat humbled by his intelligence

Her soft skin made him long for a touch
His bristles rubbed against her supple exterior

Come hither into my realm
Where everything is by itself
Where lives are lived
And I will teach you the way
The way of the world that has long been forgotten
Where the grass is still green
And where people still do nothing
And yet their hearts beat deafeningly

It is my paradise
And it is in my head
I know that the exterior will give away
And I know that youth will again be longed for
But this earth breathes a new life each moment
It is my paradise
And I am willing to share it

Shot

It took her a second to see past me
And this was many years ago
With her guy by her side
She said naught to me
But may be she see saw not me
If ever there were reasons to doubt
Her smile would be it
For lights follow her twinkle
And make me smile
And step at the rhythm
There were flakes in her palms
The residue of that which she gave me
An entire life
In one fell word
She will never leave me
The night behind the stars

The Universe

I could see it in her eyes as she stood before me
She was kind and sincere
Fate had brought us together again
But I saw she was ready not...
It ached my heart but what can one do against such forces...?
She drew herself away as I uttered words of farewell
She still retained that slight of her smile
And at that moment, I hoped against reality
That this was not true
That this was not the end
That I would see those eyes again

I said this last night
As I lay awake in bed
Thinking of her
And now the thought knocks at me
Should I call out to her just once more
Or let her stay in my thoughts for today
And for tomorrow...

As goes the sky

Have you heard about that man by the bridge?
He shouted each day
He yelled that the world had left him
All thought of him insane
What would happen if indeed he jumped?
Another life would be lost they said
What would happen to his loving lady then?
Well, she would find someone new after a while eh...
At this thought the skies darkened
A thunder was heard from far away
Took a while to register with them
But when it did
The bridge was not there
Things had passed
As they should have
Oh! I left my clothes in the dryer said one...
Trampling feet went by
The girl stood alone
Before she spotted a lovely red dress in the shop window
A chime rung and a word uttered.

Some basic truths said by a child.

Large eyes popped out from the white clouds that hung overhead.
They gazed at the world below.
All seemed at ease.
And all seemed perfect.
May be all was perfect...

But in a corner of a lonely house sat a lady.
She was young, around 24 years of age.
It was a questionable age, full of confusion and deceit.
She wailed alone in that dark room.
For her sobs could not be heard.
And down he came from the clouds, in the guise of a child.
Tapping her on the shoulder, he startled her.
Noticing only a boy, the girl found comfort in his innocence.
The boy asked the girl, " Who are you? "

The girl did not have an answer.
She did not have an answer, because, when the boy asked that question - she knew that that which is evident was never asked.
The girl was alone because she just completed a marathon, where she fell before the finish line.
The girl was alone because she fell from the sky without a parachute.
She was alone for she had no shoulder to cry on.
She was alone for she had not a reason to wake up each morning.

She had not cried before, because she had not questioned before!

The girl countered the boy with a mundane question.
"Why must we look presentable?"
Boy: "Do we? Hmmm. If you say so."

"Why must I take care of my body? Is it only to please the eyes of the lecherous?"
Boy: "O no! You do it because you believe that inadvertently you will attract suitable beings. You ought to do it, because a healthy body allows a healthy function of the mind."

"Why do we have to earn money?"
Boy: "It is a means to attain that which is desired. It could be food or convenient food, it could be a house or a home, it could be work or a utilised life. Your eyes are yours and your mind is yours."

"Why do we need companions?"
Boy: "That is one question that even I have had trouble with. The thing is, one does not necessarily need companions. But the society has evolved in such a way that after a while, two things happen.

One - you want to come home to somebody, either to fulfill romantic / sexual indulgences or to fulfill emotional holes.
Two - Option one has developed from the fact that after a while, single people find other people - because that is the way of society. So if you have friends right now and if you want to meet them - - it's all good.
But after a while, when they are with their respective companions, you cannot be an odd number in the group, and you cannot ask one to leave the other so that the one can be with you.
It is a sad truth. I also believe that romance and love and fidelity are secondary. The primary is the fact that you need to get yourself a good companion for as long as possible.
It is one of the easiest, and troublesome paths that one must adopt."

"Why must I believe in god?"
Boy: "O that one is simple - one believes because one wants to believe. It is easier to believe than not to believe. Does god exist? How do I know? I just know that the clouds are fabulous."

"Why is there a pursuit of excellence, be it in terms of wealth, power, materialism, intellect or even vanity?"
Boy: "It is the way of the world O wonderful girl. What makes you different, makes you special. With all that we try to shun the without, it is the without that we are a part of. One may keep believing that the individual is superior, but the individual is an individual because he / she is a subset of the whole.
Of course, there are anomalies, and these outliers are the ones that are the true great.
Do you know any of these anomalies? I don't.
The great beings of the past many years have been close to that title, but because they are known, they are not the ones."

"How do I stop crying?"
Boy: " You already have. As soon as your mind is preoccupied with something, sorrow leaves you. "

"Well, yes... you're right! Thank you!!!"
Boy: ""

Know not what you ought to do to become someone you want to.
Do what you feel.
It is a fine balance amongst the ignorant, the intellectuals and the insane.

Torn

Life may leave me any day
I feel it today...
My roads have ended
but my journey still thrills

I remember that smell
Rock and water around me
Life is slipping away
I can feel my breath
And I see I'm not holding on

There is nothing for me here
Except my memories old
Let me take your leave now
My coach has arrived
Farewell

Crazed

A slice of the cloud
The grey of the water
The slip of the tongue
And the slight in the eye

A step on the tar
And a balance lost!

Cared for now
Cared less then.

Touch me

My life is my own
I do not care for your judgement, dear
Your hair and smell will enchant me always
But your reach shall be beyond my shell
I hold many secrets
As I have breathed many lives
I will forever remain beyond your comprehension
I pray that you do not cry, dear
For there are many moons to see
Times when I look at you
When you dream of me

Rock

We have been here a long time
My brethren and I
We are not for the mortals
Let them shout their praises
Millennia have gone by
And we care not
We stay here
Carved by nature
Vigilant and Immortal

In love of thee

Clench thy hand, thou innocent smile.
Mystery that thou hath hidden
Behind thy dark veil of strands -
Thy own they shalt be.
Pay heed to those who hope for thy love
And stay true to that which thou art
We are but moments for the future that lies ahead
But thou art thy own
And each grain of thy sand gold
Forget not that which is true
For before thou it shalt ever be

Yes to Dance

'Tis sometimes that a chord interrupts the beat of my heart, and somehow manages to soothe my nerves.
Silly little moments that make me believe in a loved life and an honest existence.
Just to be around a simple person, and listen to a simple song.
To eat a fresh meal in the confines of a home; away from the nuisance of the chores of the day and near the one who makes me forget.
'Tis in hope of this that I live my life, in pursuit of a carefree night, in pursuit of a lazy morning, in hope of love.

Desire

Your dark eyes are missing my stare
I long for the soft hair that brushes my skin
Your fragrance is oft remembered
But it shall be new soon
'Tis Tuesday when things will change
And I will know once again
What it is to be not alone
Corners shall be occupied leisurely
And warmth shall flow through my rooms

Hollow Lives

Is there nothing like gazing?
It wearies me to see souls rot away
When all that matters is the time at hand
To stare at the bright stars while on a dark land
To stumble across a stream
To hear the crackle of a dry leaf
And to be afraid of the unknown
Us city-folk may never understand these
For there is no time at hand
To open a book
And flip through its yellow pages
We are shackled by our surroundings
And by our mechanisms

Pure Pursuit

We will never live those days again;
The thought resounds in my stomach.
As I saw his eyebrow stun the audience before him
I knew that this ought to be him;
He belonged there.
There, he was unlike himself.
Wasted time is but a silly oxymoron,
For we change every second.
Why is it that people drift through time?
And why will we never make people proud?
Living for others seems cruel
For others will never be satiated;
It is me I care for
Having wasted too much time in the past
I seize each moment now;
At least that be the endeavour.
I feel humble before a mountain
For a mountain cares not
About the sorry plight of living beings;
But we are here to exist.
Die not at the mercy of time
Rather, live by it.

A woman's fight

There was disgust on her face
The dirt around her made her weary
She had grown up with this
And she knew that well
But horizons have broadened now
And she need not be confined
To the absence of affection
"People have lost their core", she said
She smiles even now
For life is quite accommodating
But she feels the hollow inside her
The people of the land have become less interesting
The people of the land have died in her eyes
Their ego is lost
And their art has been squandered away
She wonders why she is weary every evening
Even when she rests in the arms of her companion
And even when she sees the sparkle in her daughter's eyes...
'Tis because she fell out of love
With the place that once was
The jump in her step is missing
She has missed it for many years now
She will go back to the land that welcomed her some years ago
Where people seemed emotional
With friends and lovers
Where living was given priority
Where slavery to society had been abolished
Their hearts were heavier and lighter
Will she be a traitor? Or will she be human?
Time shall tell us...

To Walk

Trudging along in black pants
These men they looked morose
A curve for a back
And a brick on their minds
Smiling a fake
And smelling a stench

Their days went by
And one day soon
Sunlight left for another clime
Gray was all
And burdens were a part

I heard murmurs of mindless monotony
I saw dark faces drinking dark spirits
I have seen the future
Therefore I walk
To my own land
To failure on my terms
For I remember what I thought
When I stepped on this earth
To walk is to live.

Long

It has been a while since I have felt a smile a breath away from my face
The absence of a touch hurts me today
The melodies and my blanket keep me company well
But it is at times nigh hollow
For it is precious to be affectioned
And rarer still to be affectionate then
An unwashed feeling engulfs me now
And all that can make me warm
Are soft eyes looking at me

Archery

You should hunch on the bark above your head
And wait for the sure-footed pirate
She who conquered a small pie
Of the freedom that was humanity

Come with me you leech
May be you can shout down at her
Sure, her skirt gives you other thoughts
But look at how you're positioned lad

You ought to be scared
May be you should kill

A full circle

For I lay there
Gasping at the sights
A wild rumble woke me up
From my dark runnings

I fought another way
Through a patch of strewn wood
Hoping to find a strong foot
I remember the curve across my face then
Glorious it was

A sway and a stagger
Sand beneath my feet
A bottle in my hand
And eye-liner beneath my eyes
A freed soul
And a lighter weight

I looked at people differently
And the fragrance of the pollution was nauseating
Chilling and soothing
I had found myself again
It had been long old friend
Welcome back

Leaving Home

To escape one's home is dreaded
So much so that it is unthinkable
And often
Nay, more than often
The same building goes down and comes up before our eyes
Never known what could have been there
The fear of the new is paralysis
Leaving our homes is first nature
Tied we are for now
But we will leave one soon day
I can never sit without cussing mosquitoes
Or the heat
Or the humidity
Or the crowds
Or the police
Let me be
I want to leave your embrace

Analysis

I hold a glass in my hand
Magnifying each view
The creatures scurry about
Listening to wild sounds which are rather soft
The glass shakes in my hand as I try to keep it still
The voices grow louder
And more inconsequential
I turn my focus now
Chomping at the face
Firm belief and brilliant common sense
Eludes them for now
The voices drown down now
They have nothing left to say
Alone in their minds
But they try to escape it
With fake passes of time
Unable to choose
Anything

Clock-unwise

I'm staring at the second-hand on an old wooden clock
Ticking away ruthlessly
My body twitches
For I want to use time well
But is it for me to control?
I sail everyday just like you do
And I breathe once in a while
Just to realize that now is alright
And then might never come to me
It isn't that complex if I choose to take a step back...
Just one tiny step
And I look at their backs
And their heads bowed down
Hiding a frown...
Carpe Diem - said a voice
It was a child on the ground
Seizing... not clutching...
It's easy to be swept away with the crowd
It's easy to be broken down
It's easier to take a small step back

Frozen

There was fear in his eyes as he clutched his bottle.
His steps grew shorter and his back grew heavy.
He stared at shards of stone being mercilessly thrown away by ugly, uncouth men.
Unmelodious sounds touched his ears and he longed for his mother's touch.
She is the only one who can keep him from the cruel world.
He stood still now for the fear made him shrink.

The sounds stopped as everyone saw what I was looking at...
I saw the child smile.

Hold

Most of us will have departed before we will have known
Who we are and where we would like to be
We will not have seen as much as we would have liked to
And we will have regrets.

Most of life will have passed us by and
We will pray once again
If only we could live for a bit at a younger age
Seen more and cherished more
Grasped more than we chose to.

We will have ignored that which was present
And we will have dreaded that which was not
If only we could have controlled our thoughts
Then our pains would have been subdued.

If that be the case
What purpose will this life have served...

Music

I tore a page of white to cover my scrawny face.
You shall not see the spots
For I am too scared
May be just hold onto that which is dear
Not for you to see and for you to judge
I thought I would never play it again
But I am now out of fear
And I see that I am better at it now than I ever used to be
Seemed too mechanical at first
But now seems interesting
I may never be good at it
But I can say proudly now, 'I tried.'

Lessons

While I stand at this bridge and see the cars zoom by below my feet, I think about all the rides that we decide to go through. I grow tired of the monotony of the cars, all the while knowing that every car has a different story and there are smiles and frowns inside each car. Change is difficult to fathom and still we move like ants in a mini-cage, towards that which is never know, knowing fully well that the journey makes like interesting. We move because we don't have much else to do. We congregate because that is supposed to be the way of life. Sorrows, they come and go and still we hold on to them as though they will never leave. It makes me smile when I remember all the days gone by when I used to be full of pain, then again, there are very few of those days - partially because I choose to remember me smiling. And frankly, I don't even have to try to smile, it just happens. It's not seen well by the people around me who view me as a cynic and a bottled soul. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and it's the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors - what may look like contradictory statements are in fact synonymous. I find great solace in the white clouds above my head today for they move so fluently and carelessly. Occasionally, I start singing. The songs are usually sad, because sad songs appeal to me. I believe it's rather difficult to write about happiness, but venting sadness comes rather naturally to people. Have you ever held a rod in your hands and wondered why it decided to remain a rock? We are all here to learn!

Scratching at the surface now...

It's a continual scrape at my chest as my heart shivers violently.
I'm scared, to tell you the truth.
I'm scared of what lies ahead and I feel like breaking down.
I don't want it anymore,
I just crave to escape it.
May be I'll keep running away from one city to the next,
Till I find solace and some breath.
There's a throbbing pain at my head;
Something's prodding from underneath my bone.
I can withstand it for now,
But the way I see it ending is
Me falling into the sea
And not being able to shout for help;
May be I don't want help.
That shall be my goodbye.

Influences

As she stared at me, she knocked at my face
She asked me to sing.
And sing I did.
It wasn't pleasant, but it was a relief.

Stroking my hair, she asked me to dance.
'Noway!!' I bellowed
She pushed me to the ground
And I spat back at her
With the movement of my feet.

There was nothing in me
I had never felt it growing
But there I was
A grown man
Believing in the truth and
Believing that good things happen
As long as I would push hard.

When I look back
All that I can say is that she was a painful influence
And I would be happy to rid myself of her
But not yet.
I still need to use her
May be she will throw me away tomorrow
I hope she does.

Penning thoughts

Writing a story today with this pen I hold
The music helps me out
Melodies and harmonies
How amusing they are!!
For they can lift an idle mind's soul
He said to me that there was nowhere but disaster
I nodded along
I cared not to believe as much
Well, it's his wish I say
And what will be will be
For now, I have to write a short story
About my mind and the peace it longs for
Won't be long before I will realise if I fit in
Let's just say that I long for my home
There are no sexual desires
There are no burning ambitions
There is, however, a want for adventure
I aim to entertain myself with these experiments
A playground, I call it at times
Sometimes I succumb to it
And I hold my head and cry out some tears
For life is perplexing
And an occasional smile makes me smile
I now walk
Or am I standing still?
Time will tell

Chaos

For all that is needed is a sliver of truth
Not through the mouth
But in one's eyes
Some old and passionate courage
Lost as it is
To the drumming of a mundane life;
Spice it up and fly all down
Snap a twig and lay beneath the clouds
Hear the snap carefully
For we have forgotten what that is.
Clenched teeth and frigid bodies
I see you now as you hold yourself together
Wary of being run over
Of being hurt and feeling pain,
Forget it all for one moment
And give way to the spirit within
Soar as you may
For you are able;
Say yes to chaos
For you are not a special seed
You will wither just as another...
Take some pictures now
For embedded in your mind they shall remain,
Long for the extremes
You will never near them
But a different horizon will be seen
For the smile within and the sights forever
Hold them close, but not too tight
For you will let go
As you will me
And you will you
Permanence is a concept
Unfounded as its utterance

Presence

Flowers in the sky with petals falling now
The bright violets adorn the air
For I can see with my eyes
That nobody stands
Between that beauty and I
It's all so simple to understand
For life is made complex.
Colours play their role
And we aim to make sense.
There is a drought in our minds
And we wallow fruitlessly
Smiling away at the birds
At the onset of warmth...
Find the glow within
It's omniscient.

Breathe, Read and Shut Your Eyes

When will our miseries end?
When shall we smile once again?
Look up at the sky and see the clouds
And the skies in their vastness
And not think once
Not once of why 'tis so...
We are doomed in our pursuits;
We fail to live
And smile with the children;
For we are slaves
Till we reach our end,
'Tis then that we will smile
And look at the days that went by...
When we believed in love
And the simplicity of the sky
And the feel of warmth
Of a silent mind.

And how we let it go by...


How would you have reacted if this poem had been written by a well known poet?
And would you have read it differently?

Eyes Shut

When will I wake up from this torturous nightmare?
It is beautiful in essence but it lacks the peace.
Everything always ends
And so shall this
But the wait kills me each day
As I sit and moan
Thinking of the thorns
Longing to go back
Longing to stay shut
Tired of this monstrosity
Tired of this dream.

Lament

Once in a while...
All that you want...
Is to die...

A night at the Pub

A man in a suit sat alone at this nice pub; he ordered a pint of guinness beer and a tray of salted peanuts. He looked angry and bottled, or may be that's what I say, which of course is the same thing. Once in a while, he would glance around at the people around him. I saw envy in his eyes as most people sat in couples and most of them were smiling, but there he was; alone and miserable.
A woman sat by him. Now, she's not a person I would have ever spoken to, but may be this man's desperation led him to speak to this 'lady'. She wore a short dress and more than the requisite make-up; clearly she was a hooker or a prostitute. I saw them talking and I wanted to make sure that I was not seen spying on them.
You see, I had been hired by the guy's wife as a detective. In my profession, I have seen too many guys with too many chicks, fucking. It astonishes me, the extent to which a guy can go just to take care of his johnny. Me? I am a simple guy. I don't have anyone, nor will I ever have anyone; I'm not interested in fuckin' around and I can wait till whenever, I'm in no hurry. Coming back to this particular night:
I saw the 2 of them smile after a while; the guy's smile had a hint of mischief in it and the girl's smile was all about getting paid for the night. Let's face it... life is tough, and sometimes, people do what they believe they should do. The bill, the card, the bill, the signature and some loose change. They walk out, followed by another gentleman - that would be me.
There is something exciting about following a couple of people who are going to do what these two were about to do; may be I would see them in action, may be I would refrain from it. My orders, or rather, requests, were that I tell my client all the details of the night, down to the brand of the condom, if there indeed was a condom.
I follow them to a house; clearly the man was single, for the house seemed a mess. Off came the clothes in as mechanical a way as the skin of a potato. The woman did have a fine body and I was more than happy to see her naked beauty; must say that she looked better without clothes than with clothes. Now, people assume this to be true for most cases, but let me tell you, a woman looks best with her clothes on - always. This particular woman looked good without her clothes simply because of the way she had adorned herself prior to her attire coming off. I heard her scream and decided to call it quits; I dialed my client and proceeded to tell her the details.
She was panting and I could here an echo from inside the house, "We're alright, thank you!"

A Performance

Hacking at the wind
Swinging wildly
Arms sore
And thoughts numb
People gaze
And murmurs erupt.
Stopping the noise
I stand in their midst
Focused on the air
And conscious of the futility
Inflating my ego
As I play a role
Of an iconoclast
Oblivious to their minds
And weary of mine.

Blues

There is a tinge in the air
That makes my eyes squint
I stand here right now
Gazing at the various blues
Nobody for miles around me
And black rocks dot the shore
The crashing of the water
And the defeating roar that follows
Not from the sea
But from within me
A soft voice roars
To stand back
And be afraid
There is a shine in the sky
And words flow through my head
Believing all that is possible
With the miracle of life
And all that stands behind me
As I gaze out at the various blues
And remember the times
When I had a feeble mind
And my worries were short lived
And my consciousness was a rumour
I stare out at the various blues
And I see the black rocks dotting the shore
And I smile wide

Moshun

Excruciating pain fills my arms as the music pours through my ears. I feel my brain go numb with all the random sounds. My eyes lose focus and I am unable to stand up. Clipping my big toe off of my right foot and hanging by a noose around my waist I look at the world. You did this to me, you sick, wicked whore! There is no escaping the punishment that awaits you. No, I don't believe in karmic forces - it's just something that will happen to you, you ratfuck! There were blonde streaks as you tried to adapt but I remember filling up your room with water and unleashing electricity through it. Everything torched when I added some crude oil and I smoked my last cigarette. There is no escaping my pain as I feel my nose being ripped off and I feel my legs being torn away. Blood flowing down my body and cries of pain muffled the air around me. There is no escape. I am a whore who needs to be disposed of and I will leave this place one day.

Numb

Painless skin on a pale face
Walking to the flats
Where nothing lay and nothing shall
Drawn to the gloom
And spit from the womb
Of the hearty earth
Which had no space
Tears of fire
Rolling down his body
As he wept for some shoulder
Thorns surround and feet bleed
For to the dead he walked on well
Collapsing but a few feet away
He moaned a painful moan
Only to be swallowed by the land
From which he had grown.

Flawed Perfection

When you get really close to a person you can see the truth.
When you are close enough such that the sunlight bounces of their skin,
And the grains of the eyes are seen well,
You see the flaws and you see the perfection.
And sometimes, you see both at the same time in the same place.
It's akin to ambivalence.
Everybody is hideous and pure.
The truth lies in a secret place that one can find only when one is away from one's comfort zone.
May be when one keeps asking oneself questions and striving to find answers.
The questions are futile and the answers make no sense and one grows tired of the monotonous melancholy.

Second Degree Burn

I sat facing a fire in the desert
And reached out to the flame
I felt the burn and the pain
But decided to hold my hand still
And stare into that light

That pain still bites me,
Because when I look at my hand,
I see all that I used to be
I used to be potential
But as I sit in my chair now
And look at the walls
I see that I will have nothing
Anger can kill things.

Boy

Vanity has been hollowed and for good reason,
I will not accept pride and fiefdom.
See how wretched we get with age
As it gnaws at our exterior
There is nothing to cling onto
Except for the various chemicals that keep us new
For the soul rots from within
And the soul is seen by the ones who were close
Take a look at yourself darling
There is nothing that you can wake yourself up to
There is a constant burden at your heart
And the peace is long gone.

Turn back to how things once were
As only a few years ago
When your eyes were big
And you were naive
When you were small and you looked up
With your small frame and your absent mind
Thoughts ran through your head
And words never came out
You were cheated by a few
And you were alone
This was before you were proud.

Remind yourself that you have lost things now
And that you will find things soon
You will find a way
And a place in this world
And some day soon...
You will sleep at peace again
Hoping that it is not disturbed.

But remember this my darling
You will always be disturbed
Because you are wretched at heart
And the vile will find a way out.
Remember then, as I ask you now
To look at that picture from many years ago
When you stepped out alone
And knew that you were alone.

Warriors of Life

There is a song in my heart when I look at her lines
I aim to sail to the line where the twain meet
Every few hours a tear rolls down my skin
Remembering the fire at that hill
And touching the pale of that air

White lights at night bellow at me
To follow them to the darkness
Flight of the birds I see
And I shake my head in disgust

I left my friends behind
And I left my sack at home
I wonder if I ever had one...
Eyes poke at me
For I have lost control

I once thought that I was born with gold
But a realization then dawned
That nothing is made well
And nothing hold its own shape.

I thought that a smile was elusive
And memories were haunting
I see now that nothing need be forgotten
Your mind does that for you

So I will hold your head
And you will hold mine
As I sail with you
Towards that distant line
Where the twain meet
And creatures fill our heart

Fear not
For all will be lost
It is a certainty
Hold that knowledge well
And I will hold you
Till I have the courage to.

River

With my back against the coconut shell I stared at the sky
Waiting for the water to drop down on me
A gentle breeze and my feet in the water
Saw some fish around me and I made a gurgling sound
Whistling at the air and thinking of space
Was away from them as they ate each other raw
Was away from touch and that is just unfathomable
The roar of the water turned loud
As I neared a fall
I panicked at first and then let go
As I fell that deep length
And now I fly
Alone and in my space
Staring at the stars as I had always dreamed
Looking at the beings in disgust
And watching over the ones who used to be dear.

Pictures in Sand

Brown haired boy drawing in the sand,
The wind waving his hair and he continues
Painting pictures of beliefs of happiness...
Waves lash around and he continues
A soft murmur from the tress ahead
But he cared not to look up
He has the stick and he continues
Looking down at his creations
And how happy he feels
Turning his face to his right,
He saw the boulder that had stood there for long
As long as he could remember
He longed to look beyond it
But he was too short
And he thought he was too weak
So he went up to the shore line,
And then up the gentle slope of sand
Only to witness his height altered.
Climbing to the top of a coconut tree
Afraid of falling
And afraid of crying with pain
He looked now, beyond the boulder.
All he could see was water
He was disappointed
But then he turned to crawl back down

He had been longing for something that he had possessed for too long
Ignoring the murmurs from the trees
Ignoring all that could change his life
All that he cared not for...
He had given himself up to the boulder
For too long,
He cried now for he saw what he should have seen earlier
Tiny people
The same size as him and
The same make as him
He thought that he would crawl down and run to them
But when he came down, he thought
He thought that he should, once again,
Go and see the pictures
He saw the pictures
The pictures were from inside him
He destroyed them...
Not really...
Those pictures still remain,
But they no longer haunt him
He unburdened himself
And he walked to the other side

He is sad now.
He is sad for he was happy alone.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
He thinks now, of the time when he can
Once again...
Go back to his sand,
And hold his brush
And draw again...
Away from people
Away from opinions
And away from attachment
His boulder was his support
But he felt too weak now.
He was too weak.



Some weeks ago
I saw the boy again
He held the hand of a tall woman
She guided him to security
Away from the lecherous little people
To fire and to warmth
To seclusion and to contentment
Away from the boulder
To a new land
And a new thought
And a new form
She left him there
To find his own way
And grow up by himself.

I met the boy today
He was crying
I reached out to touch his face
And he reached out to touch mine.

Hatred

When I channel my focus on hatred, it is a powerful tool. I used it against that demon lady. She had a body to kill for and so I decided to kill my anger. I turned it to hatred just as you did. I hate you with the frustration of magma. You did nothing except strip down in front of me and unleash your glorious nakedness. When you did that, all that I could wait for was to destroy you. Destruction is good for it allows change. Change is good and evil because it creates life.
There were times when she wanted her sexual desires fulfilled and all that I could do was give her pain. Orgasmic, glorious pain. Her screams did not tell me that, her eyes did. She would come back for more, and I would never allow her to touch me.
One day, I broke a glass and used a shard to scrape skin off of my thighs. I had to let the pressure out. People don't know this, but the colour of blood is exhilarating - the colour. Once I found this source, I decided that this was the end; I would no longer fulfill the desires of that vixen. I thought of killing her but decided against it. Instead, I moved away without a word and sent her vicious reminders of the man she used to be with. I never saw her reactions but I knew that I pained her, because all I wanted was revenge.

Last month, I got married. She is a gentle person and I take care of her. We spend time together and time away from each other. We give each other space and we quarrel once in a while. She knows that I smile often and she also says that I speak in my sleep. She tells me that I speak of holding hands, and once I say that, I put my arms around her. She doesn't know of the demon from my past. She wouldn't believe that I was the same person...

Mist

All shall fade
I cried at that thought
Knowing well, that I truly believed in this.
Death is one of the most evident examples of fades...
Wait for it and live for it
We gnaw at what we hold close
Hoping so much that nothing changes.
But change is what creates entertainment.
Unwanted as it may be...
All shall fade
Hold nothing close
Step back and hold a spear
Jab at who gets close
And crush what gets dear
Better to control sorrow
Rather, its occurrence
Nothing shall remain
For all shall fade

Ladies

It dawned on me a while ago, that she had a hold on me. It wasn't too tight, but somehow it said that there was no escape. The funniest part was that it felt invisible. I had always thought that I would be steering - guess not. Never thought that I would be controlled one day, and even now there is something that tells me that I have not yet been tamed. I still tend to look up and I still tend to believe. May be this is indeed the purpose of life; to make it through, alive. I think about it and I believe that she wants me to come to her, within her circle. The disappointment is that I am drawn. I am torn because I want them both. There is one person who can make me proud and there is another person who can make me content. I wonder if I could choose both of them...

Knife

Sitting on my couch
Dreading the dance and the show
People don't like me anymore
People never liked me, I believe
And then I asked myself something
I asked myself: "Who are you?"

I was dumbfounded
I cried for I knew I was nowhere
There was nothing to anything
I said this as I looked at my feet
They were resting on the coffee table
Just there
No purpose
I punched the wall in anger
Knowing so well it was me who created the need for purpose
Apathy - one called to me
Numb - I called to me

There was no purpose I said
And then I saw hope
A hope that said
"The purpose of life is to go through it alive."
It sounded simple enough

Went to the kitchen
Found a knife
And punctured my chest
I am dying right now
But if I were to die
I could well say...
Purpose fulfilled.

Dust

I look into the sun
And hope for a better day
Pleasing them around me
As I kept drifting to another sky
Follow me now
She was absolutely blind
Blind in heart and free of mind
He said that he would hold my hand
When I said that I did not understand
Shutting people out
And I cried so loud
I cried so loud that night
When I saw that there is nothing there
Only building blocks made of dust
So I toil in search of something blue
Something to keep the fire alive
I'm just keeping the fire alive
There is nothing there
All I see is dust
For I see her jumping to the sky
And I see him gliding through the roads
There are people moaning everywhere
Searching for that fire
That would have laid them bare
Crazy eyes and searching gold
All that they could find was dust
There was nothing there
Except for a little hope
And a little bit of love
Joining hands they walked across the flat
Across the flat earth
Now they live in unison
Away from prying eyes
Away from prying eyes
In their house made of dust

Supreme

No hands to hold
They lay wet
Frowning eyes and burnt black tongues
Shoulders fall as I catch hold
To put you right
To put you right back into your mould
Chisel in hand I stare into your eyes
One crack and the pain begins

No stomach to clasp
My arms are weary
I know you could well rest
Well rest on my chest
But your mind wanders endlessly
Gnawing at things that are dreamy
Well out of reach of all that I offer
Knowing too well that this is for you
This is it

No pillow suits my head now
Dents in the soft
And dense is my skull
The promised land is a dream
All shall be torn
As I will believe one day
In the power of the mundane
Jiving to the lights
Swinging to the hearts

No tear stays back now
Crevices through my skin
Blithe to all else
Rosy skies wipe the water
As I gaze into those eyes
Those eyes belong to an uncertain time
As I clasp my hands
And I wait for approval
From some being I hold divine
From someone who is me

No regrets to the wars fought
Fingers across that skin
Impulses drawn to me
Emotions numbed
As I lay in the snow
And watch the birds fly by
A soft chirp
And I close my eyes
And tell myself
It is but a phase
Of visions gone dry
Of new palletes and strong moves
Light heart and brilliant shine
Bright lights

Juggernaut

Propped up by this hook, falling to the floor
I cry my lungs out in longing memory
Memories they go by and I drain them out...
Sorrow will be upon me
And I wait to see how I shall see
I wait to see how I will see those times
When I have nothing to say and want nothing to do
When no voice can aid me and no hand can touch me
There will be such a time
It pains me to know that I am numb and
It pains me to know that I know not how I will feel
Sometimes I think that you are all that I have
And sometimes I grow tired of you as you do of me
Wheels keep moving and dismembered hands keep falling
Joking around as I sail through these seas
Knowing very well that I do not have the muscle at times
Knowing very well that I may not have any muscle sometimes
It is all an illusion and we believe in it
Comfort it gives us and we swim through these ices

I am waiting to let out a scream
That is what will help me straighten myself
And rid myself of this skin.

Walk Away

Knelt on his bed as he shook off his tire
Looking across at the girl next to him
He wore a coat, a hat and took his heart
Walking alone in the cold below...

Last night was a relief, he thought
Falling away into the darkness of belongings
He wants no attachment
And he wants no society
He wishes to live for nothing
But he always lives for something

It is love, it is ego, it is pride, it is sleep, it is intelligence.
Elusive it is... Everything is out of reach
Always and continually.

He walks alone in the cold
As his head begins to switch off
The cold air numbs the brain
No thoughts, no songs and no cries accumulate
There is room for nothing except for the quest to walk

He stops now,
And shuts his eyes, knowing very well that she is still at home
He hates her and his bed and his home and his clothes
He hates the mere thought of success
He loathes happiness
That's it!
He always loathed happiness...

With eyes shut,
He sees the flat sand and the blue water
A mountain on the horizon
And solace at the top

Passion was missing, he thought
He thought himself intelligent
And he knew that all that awaited on that mountain was peace
He longed for peace now
But he would long for happiness then

Spirals they are
Intertwined and revolting
Black and barren
Souls walk alone on them

Eyes shut
He turned around to go back
To his wife and his daughter
To his sorrow and his joy
To the belief that one day he would be dumb
To the belief that one day he would live

A Couple

I saw her in that white shirt
Her moist hair looked fine
I saw that there was nothing about her
There was nothing to her
She spoke in a loud voice
She had a proud face
She spoke rudely to the guy opposite her
He was staring at her
She was alive and sick
It was a hollow body that I saw on that scooter

I saw him wearing his shades
I saw him as he struck a pose
He spoke to his friends
He spoke about his friends
He spoke about where he was from
And how he was so humble
He was smart about it
He appeared to be above all
As he pretended not to care about others
That is how he had held her hand
I saw that he was a shell


I saw that shells get along


That is how I saw those two kissing

Losing

That punch hurt when he told me that he doesn't need me.
'Tis the same thing that she said to me.
Weary eyed I clung on to that rope.
And pulled myself up only to fall down into the dust.
Nobody owes me anything and
Nobody means anything to me
I shall always be the second choice
Unless I take control and change priorities
So I lifted the boulder
I now walk with it and at times run
Shielded and veiled with red drapes
Protecting that stone and cracked feet hurt...
An outlet it is and the agony tears my vessels
Tears through my vessels
Splashing about as I tried naked
People moved away and things moved closer
I remember thinking that I had always had things
Funny how we never care about what we have
I thought this as I broke glass with my right fist
Seems a blur
This is what I had left and run away from
This is what I am leaving and running away from
Three hours without talking