Letter to the future

There has to be a reason as to why I think of you as much as I do. Is it that I have fallen in love with you? I do not believe in the middle ground; I like to dive straight in. Is that a sin? I don't think so. So what if you do not care, one of us does yeah? Therefore, is there a future? Does that future matter? What if you are a figment of my imagination? Once I come near you, I lose all that perceived 'emotion'. You think that is plausible? I do. I tell you what... it scares me to bits; because as of now, you are the only thing that is mildly letting me hold on to things. You and that other thing. It pains me to sleep each night knowing that I don't know how things will work out. And I need to believe that I really want things to work out. Because haven't I worked towards attaining you... May be I haven't. Which may be why I might never attain you. I wonder what I will do with myself then. Will there be another path? I hope not. Why not? You see, if there is no other path, then you are all I have. That might work in my favour. Let's see and hope for the best. For you.

Weary

What is it that I come here for?
I do not belong here...
I belong out there, fighting each fight and crying each night.
But here I sit.
Rotting away as my mind ceases to function as sharply as I would want it to.
Incessantly restless and it aches me.
It aches me to look at this.
As I write it, I feel my hands bleed.
There is no pain.
Only numbness.
There is nothing here.
I believe I shall retire.

A girl cries

It is a bright, cold day and I think of love.
Enchanting and enigmatic I think it to be.
There is not clear course I believe.
But as I lay here and stare at the white clouds.
I ask myself when I will stray onto that path again.
I dread it because everything tends to be temporary.
I ache for it, for that is who I am.
I cannot indulge in the shallow pleasures of life.
What I see around me is always something meaningful.
When I stare at these white clouds, they speak to me.
They say to me: Join me O darling princess, for it is here that you will find your charming.
I look at the bottle of wine and realize that may be I had too much to drink.
I look inwards at my home and how peaceful it appears.
I wonder if I could ever be a part of a relationship again.
I know that the answer is yes.
May be 'could' ought to be replaced with 'will'.
Then I go to thinking as I sing a song about love and happiness.
I go to thinking of a time when I reach home and I am alone.
Will that life be appealing to me.
I believe not.
What are the odds that I will find a decent guy in this screwed up world?
Well, there are many of them.
But most decent men tend to be useless buggers.
Too many flaws with them.
May be my standards are too high,
Or may be I will evolve or de-evolve; whatever way it works.
I have had enough of taking a train to downtown.
I need some peace in my life now.
My lilac bed screams to me.
And I sush it.
I look at my bottle of wine.
And I gulp it down.
One day, I will share this wine with somebody.
Dammn... wonder if there are decent men in this world...

Here I lie

I saw her walking on the street below flanked by her 2 friends.
Brutes they were as they held her soft hand.
Snow and ice controlled the land around.
The land that used to be road and pavement.
She smiled, or so it seemed.
There was no smile underneath though.
She was being dragged along.
But it was not apparent.
There was something that gave it away.
May be I just have a thing for reading faces.
I heard her call for help.
I saw another girl approach these three humans.
I must say that she was gorgeous.
Which may be why I saw drool dripping down the 2 guys' faces.
Let go her hand and held the gorgeous.
The angel now smiled.
So did the messiah.
Lo and behold! How appearances change in an instant.
For take note - that there is nothing that is real.
Everything is a belief.
The 2 brutes were in fact troblins - a hybrid of trolls and goblins.
Troblins are a reminder of the human race that inhabited the earth many years ago.
The angel was a dark knight being held prisoner - on her way to the shadow castle.
Her end there was sacrifice to the smoke gods.
The messiah was of the lineage of Galtden - far offspring from the families of John Galt and Hank Rearden, the ones who saved the human race (for a while)
The angel smiled and the messiah laughed.
The troblins fled and the 2 remaining souls on that very street locked in a strong embrace.
Life had changed for me when I saw this.
I now go back to my cave.
I now go back to my identity and my venture.
I am in pursuit of happiness.
May be I just saw it.
That which seems to be not in control, but in fact is.

Leaf

"People call us renegade coz we like living crazy!!"

So I stopped studying and broke my laptop.
Threw my cellphone into the water.
I forgot about investment banking and financial services.
Ego was long gone
And friends were just images.
I sat with my back up right.
This was late at night.
As I saw the moon and the stars and the bright clouds.
I saw a car pass by and I spit on the ground.
I forgot what it was to eat out.
I would cook and eat.
My life was through the money I inherited.
Nothing substantial was used.
It was on a need to use basis.
I walked the road.
Through the flat land around.
Till my feet grew tired.
I settled and cooked some rice.
A truck passed me and I hailed it down.
On to Antarctica I said.
The bugger laughed at me.
I shot him dead.
I drive now towards the south.
Its just me and the clouds at night.
Sometimes I have thoughts.
Sometimes.
My eyes dont burn anymore.
My feet dont ache anymore.
My mind is clear.
I am willing to die.

Flight of the her

Fly by with the pink bird
I saw her fly by...
The blue sky and the dark clouds.
I saw her fly away.
A ribbon and a bow
A sword and a hat
The flowing streams of air,
They caught her still.
How she found her path was not to be known.
Something had to be done.
For that is the reason she existed.
Or so she believed.
But what is the difference between the 2 thoughts?
I knew not.
Nor did she.
The flowers gazed at her as she showed off her bright colours.
There she flew.
There she smiled.
I can still hear the giggle.
Bright bows and colourful expressions.
She flew into the sky.
Only to know ...
That she belonged down below

Anguis in a Letter

Do I ask for too much when all I ask for is to behold?
Where might I find you? - is what I ask.
A smile is what I look forth to...
When all that I require is your glance.
No, it is not time yet.
For the wait shall prove a few things.
This wait I have decided to endure.
For it is imperative that I know,
Who I want to be with.
A romantic I may be,
And a foul mind I may have.
Deep desires and simple requests.
I am too complex;
Such that I am easy to interpret.
I word too much at times.
And I say my stories as they arise.
I look forth to seeing you.
One fine day.
Whenever that day may come.
Until then I ask of you this -
Stay available.
It is easy to stray...
But know this you.
Keep no regrets.
Move on if you must.
But give a thought to me before you set course.
If a thought I am given,
I assure you this...
I will trouble you not.

My Head

It gets cold at night when I see a silent moon in the dark sky. I sit on the sofa and stare at the screen of my laptop.

I believe that there are angels that fly and horses that moan.
I believe that there are people who lie and times that are blown.
The grass is becoming brown as I speak and the zombies I see killing a frown.
The chimneys across rising and red and a dog feeling cold, just looking for some bread.
There are inequalities I believe and that is the way this reality shall function. Everything here is clockwork, everything - including emotion.
Structures are wrought as a mark of existence.
Battles are fought as a testament to human perseverance.
Perseverance it shall be called for humans are cyclical.
It is a sad truth but it as said for all is a typical.
A rhyme is set, for its function is to harmonize.
But nothing is as beautiful as a barren sheet of ice about to pulverized.
I retire tonight as I see the dark moon.
I see that a witch approaches the round globe too soon.
I see fire and heat as I sit in my cold bed.
I see smiles and love as I wait for her to stand in my stead.

BS

When is it that the flame shines bright?
I saw the sky the other day.
It was dark.
But there was a brilliance to the darkness.
Somebody was shining a light.
Somebody was quarreling the demons.
You shall not pass!! - roared Gandalf Greyhame.
A voice I heard.
It was just like the grey wizard's.
Shimmering robes and dirty smiles.

A flag was flying high.
The darkness of the sky seemed timid.
Alight! Alight! Alight!

There is confusion in the air.
People from the west move to the east.
People from the east move to the west.
Colliding.
Killing.
Burning.
I saw a hand.
I saw a naked hand lying idle on the ground.
This is where a battle was wrought.

Potatoes now grow.
Onions are gobbled.
The world wants to see the darkness lifted.
And lo.
There came Human #6901
Galloping on his mule.
He held a knife.
A butter knife it was.
And thrust it into the sky.
The world as was known, crumbled.
The top fell to the bottom.

Spaceships came now.
And conquered the fallen land.
And this was the origin of humans.
And this was what I saw just yesterday.
As I ate some home cooked food.
As I dreamt of my love.

Hope and Reason

This is the end.
For I can't take this anymore.
You believe you have a path.
No path lays there dear friend!
There is no end.
No water in sight.

All that you provide us, is hope.
And I am sure you know that.
You stopped believing in yourself too long ago.
There is nothing!

Feet come and feet go.
Voices are heard in hollow halls.
Mourning has been forgotten.
There is no triumph!
It is all a farce!

O - I see a light!!
I feel so nice now!!
Magic it is.
Nothing lays there.

People keep looking up.
People keep wondering where they walk.
What is it to which they walk?
Eventually we all tend to die.
Miseries just come by.

I see the fallen fossil.
I see the shoot from the green ground.
Nothing is real.
It seems to me that you do not have a real purpose.
It is a ride.

A ride that began when nobody was aware.
The ride shall end soon when nobody shall remain awake.
Zombies shall roam the streets.
Blood all around.
Perspiring naked beings.
As they walk back and forth and complain about how the world is a sad place.
The world is a sad place.
Nothing shall ever grow here.
Except for hope.