Discontinuity

There we sat facing each other.
There was not much to talk about.
But we kept talking nonetheless.
Both of us were sulking at times.
Sometimes we were jubilant.
At times we were nostalgic.
At times we turned red laughing so hard and clutching our stomachs.
We sat silently at times.
There was no awkwardness.
I would hear that person speak ceaselessly.
There we sat together.
Looking away or looking at each other.
Too shy to say that we loved each other.
May be we never needed to say it.
And there was nothing to make out of that love.
It was just there.
And I believe both of us were enjoying it.
Innocent - somewhat.
I remember my want to cry in front of that person.
I remember the long walks.
The want to stay shut and not sleep the night.
The problem is that it all ends.
But is that the real problem my friend?
I believe it could be for the best.
Or may be I just like saying that.
I wonder if I will be able to tolerate you if I meet you everyday.
Or if I were to talk to you everyday.
It is a bell curve may be.
Mean reverting.
The highs last longer in your memory than the lows which are in fact longer.
Kay sera sera.
It will all end one day.
But I hope that it at least begins before it has a chance to end.

Kwa shuns

They really make me laugh - out of bewilderment. Most of their comments make me say 'So?' - sadly only in my head. Because I really wonder HOW DOES IT MATTER!!?? This path that I am treading on is really scary because it is headed into the wild. Somewhere along my path I am bound to stumble onto society. Simply because I am too vulnerable and very weak. It is only in my head that I enjoy my delusions. They belong to me only. The time that I let it out is only while blogging, writing in my diary or laughing without a reason. May be even when I speak to certain special friends who I believe are slightly enlightened or have the capacity to endure my nonsense.
It does make me feel proud at time actually whenever I see myself from the outside - because I get to see all that I may be capable of. It may not be a lot but at least it will be a life well lived. Or so I believe.
Family, connections and society lead to responsibilies and forecasts. A set way. An organised path. Is it a sin to brake away? Or is it a sin to break away?
The road is long.
And there is no pitstop.
No company
No love.
Man has learnt to derive happiness and purpose fundamentally on the basis of society.
I ask not for money, fame, power, love; all I ask for is the truth. (This sentence is not my creation)
Well said - but hardly practical.
Then again, the realm of practicality lies with one's environment.
Onwards I go.
White ahead of me.
Dark behind me.
Vastness around me.
Fauna at the distance.
Tired are my legs.
Weary is my head.
I leave it all behind.
I leave it all.
For I long to go,
To a land where I belong.
To where I was born to die.
I go into the wild.
Life ceases.
Life erupts.
Rebirth and naked.
Vulnerable and scared.
Joyous and delusional.
I go into the wild.

Round Round

I was facing a black sky and a dark sea. I ran to the water and started floating towards a light on the horizon. Swift strokes and soon I was tired. The light was not moving so I felt better. It felt good that I was not pursuing a moving target. I heard a sound towards my left but I could not bear to turn my head an see what was approaching me. I did not have the strength. I was waiting for something that I could rest my body on - when the being approached me. She came alongside me and I regained my strength by resting on her. I told her that she need not accompany me. I started swimming again after thanking her. The light was getting closer. And I was happy that I was near it. I was swimming alone but so I thought . . . She had followed me - and I don't know why. May be even she wanted to see the light. When I got within touching distance of the light I could not believe it. There was no light! I felt frustrated. I turned around and saw the shoreline lit up like a sunny day. I smiled. The light on the horizon was only a mirror.