Pictures in Sand

Brown haired boy drawing in the sand,
The wind waving his hair and he continues
Painting pictures of beliefs of happiness...
Waves lash around and he continues
A soft murmur from the tress ahead
But he cared not to look up
He has the stick and he continues
Looking down at his creations
And how happy he feels
Turning his face to his right,
He saw the boulder that had stood there for long
As long as he could remember
He longed to look beyond it
But he was too short
And he thought he was too weak
So he went up to the shore line,
And then up the gentle slope of sand
Only to witness his height altered.
Climbing to the top of a coconut tree
Afraid of falling
And afraid of crying with pain
He looked now, beyond the boulder.
All he could see was water
He was disappointed
But then he turned to crawl back down

He had been longing for something that he had possessed for too long
Ignoring the murmurs from the trees
Ignoring all that could change his life
All that he cared not for...
He had given himself up to the boulder
For too long,
He cried now for he saw what he should have seen earlier
Tiny people
The same size as him and
The same make as him
He thought that he would crawl down and run to them
But when he came down, he thought
He thought that he should, once again,
Go and see the pictures
He saw the pictures
The pictures were from inside him
He destroyed them...
Not really...
Those pictures still remain,
But they no longer haunt him
He unburdened himself
And he walked to the other side

He is sad now.
He is sad for he was happy alone.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
He thinks now, of the time when he can
Once again...
Go back to his sand,
And hold his brush
And draw again...
Away from people
Away from opinions
And away from attachment
His boulder was his support
But he felt too weak now.
He was too weak.



Some weeks ago
I saw the boy again
He held the hand of a tall woman
She guided him to security
Away from the lecherous little people
To fire and to warmth
To seclusion and to contentment
Away from the boulder
To a new land
And a new thought
And a new form
She left him there
To find his own way
And grow up by himself.

I met the boy today
He was crying
I reached out to touch his face
And he reached out to touch mine.

Hatred

When I channel my focus on hatred, it is a powerful tool. I used it against that demon lady. She had a body to kill for and so I decided to kill my anger. I turned it to hatred just as you did. I hate you with the frustration of magma. You did nothing except strip down in front of me and unleash your glorious nakedness. When you did that, all that I could wait for was to destroy you. Destruction is good for it allows change. Change is good and evil because it creates life.
There were times when she wanted her sexual desires fulfilled and all that I could do was give her pain. Orgasmic, glorious pain. Her screams did not tell me that, her eyes did. She would come back for more, and I would never allow her to touch me.
One day, I broke a glass and used a shard to scrape skin off of my thighs. I had to let the pressure out. People don't know this, but the colour of blood is exhilarating - the colour. Once I found this source, I decided that this was the end; I would no longer fulfill the desires of that vixen. I thought of killing her but decided against it. Instead, I moved away without a word and sent her vicious reminders of the man she used to be with. I never saw her reactions but I knew that I pained her, because all I wanted was revenge.

Last month, I got married. She is a gentle person and I take care of her. We spend time together and time away from each other. We give each other space and we quarrel once in a while. She knows that I smile often and she also says that I speak in my sleep. She tells me that I speak of holding hands, and once I say that, I put my arms around her. She doesn't know of the demon from my past. She wouldn't believe that I was the same person...

Mist

All shall fade
I cried at that thought
Knowing well, that I truly believed in this.
Death is one of the most evident examples of fades...
Wait for it and live for it
We gnaw at what we hold close
Hoping so much that nothing changes.
But change is what creates entertainment.
Unwanted as it may be...
All shall fade
Hold nothing close
Step back and hold a spear
Jab at who gets close
And crush what gets dear
Better to control sorrow
Rather, its occurrence
Nothing shall remain
For all shall fade

Ladies

It dawned on me a while ago, that she had a hold on me. It wasn't too tight, but somehow it said that there was no escape. The funniest part was that it felt invisible. I had always thought that I would be steering - guess not. Never thought that I would be controlled one day, and even now there is something that tells me that I have not yet been tamed. I still tend to look up and I still tend to believe. May be this is indeed the purpose of life; to make it through, alive. I think about it and I believe that she wants me to come to her, within her circle. The disappointment is that I am drawn. I am torn because I want them both. There is one person who can make me proud and there is another person who can make me content. I wonder if I could choose both of them...

Knife

Sitting on my couch
Dreading the dance and the show
People don't like me anymore
People never liked me, I believe
And then I asked myself something
I asked myself: "Who are you?"

I was dumbfounded
I cried for I knew I was nowhere
There was nothing to anything
I said this as I looked at my feet
They were resting on the coffee table
Just there
No purpose
I punched the wall in anger
Knowing so well it was me who created the need for purpose
Apathy - one called to me
Numb - I called to me

There was no purpose I said
And then I saw hope
A hope that said
"The purpose of life is to go through it alive."
It sounded simple enough

Went to the kitchen
Found a knife
And punctured my chest
I am dying right now
But if I were to die
I could well say...
Purpose fulfilled.

Dust

I look into the sun
And hope for a better day
Pleasing them around me
As I kept drifting to another sky
Follow me now
She was absolutely blind
Blind in heart and free of mind
He said that he would hold my hand
When I said that I did not understand
Shutting people out
And I cried so loud
I cried so loud that night
When I saw that there is nothing there
Only building blocks made of dust
So I toil in search of something blue
Something to keep the fire alive
I'm just keeping the fire alive
There is nothing there
All I see is dust
For I see her jumping to the sky
And I see him gliding through the roads
There are people moaning everywhere
Searching for that fire
That would have laid them bare
Crazy eyes and searching gold
All that they could find was dust
There was nothing there
Except for a little hope
And a little bit of love
Joining hands they walked across the flat
Across the flat earth
Now they live in unison
Away from prying eyes
Away from prying eyes
In their house made of dust

Supreme

No hands to hold
They lay wet
Frowning eyes and burnt black tongues
Shoulders fall as I catch hold
To put you right
To put you right back into your mould
Chisel in hand I stare into your eyes
One crack and the pain begins

No stomach to clasp
My arms are weary
I know you could well rest
Well rest on my chest
But your mind wanders endlessly
Gnawing at things that are dreamy
Well out of reach of all that I offer
Knowing too well that this is for you
This is it

No pillow suits my head now
Dents in the soft
And dense is my skull
The promised land is a dream
All shall be torn
As I will believe one day
In the power of the mundane
Jiving to the lights
Swinging to the hearts

No tear stays back now
Crevices through my skin
Blithe to all else
Rosy skies wipe the water
As I gaze into those eyes
Those eyes belong to an uncertain time
As I clasp my hands
And I wait for approval
From some being I hold divine
From someone who is me

No regrets to the wars fought
Fingers across that skin
Impulses drawn to me
Emotions numbed
As I lay in the snow
And watch the birds fly by
A soft chirp
And I close my eyes
And tell myself
It is but a phase
Of visions gone dry
Of new palletes and strong moves
Light heart and brilliant shine
Bright lights

Juggernaut

Propped up by this hook, falling to the floor
I cry my lungs out in longing memory
Memories they go by and I drain them out...
Sorrow will be upon me
And I wait to see how I shall see
I wait to see how I will see those times
When I have nothing to say and want nothing to do
When no voice can aid me and no hand can touch me
There will be such a time
It pains me to know that I am numb and
It pains me to know that I know not how I will feel
Sometimes I think that you are all that I have
And sometimes I grow tired of you as you do of me
Wheels keep moving and dismembered hands keep falling
Joking around as I sail through these seas
Knowing very well that I do not have the muscle at times
Knowing very well that I may not have any muscle sometimes
It is all an illusion and we believe in it
Comfort it gives us and we swim through these ices

I am waiting to let out a scream
That is what will help me straighten myself
And rid myself of this skin.

Walk Away

Knelt on his bed as he shook off his tire
Looking across at the girl next to him
He wore a coat, a hat and took his heart
Walking alone in the cold below...

Last night was a relief, he thought
Falling away into the darkness of belongings
He wants no attachment
And he wants no society
He wishes to live for nothing
But he always lives for something

It is love, it is ego, it is pride, it is sleep, it is intelligence.
Elusive it is... Everything is out of reach
Always and continually.

He walks alone in the cold
As his head begins to switch off
The cold air numbs the brain
No thoughts, no songs and no cries accumulate
There is room for nothing except for the quest to walk

He stops now,
And shuts his eyes, knowing very well that she is still at home
He hates her and his bed and his home and his clothes
He hates the mere thought of success
He loathes happiness
That's it!
He always loathed happiness...

With eyes shut,
He sees the flat sand and the blue water
A mountain on the horizon
And solace at the top

Passion was missing, he thought
He thought himself intelligent
And he knew that all that awaited on that mountain was peace
He longed for peace now
But he would long for happiness then

Spirals they are
Intertwined and revolting
Black and barren
Souls walk alone on them

Eyes shut
He turned around to go back
To his wife and his daughter
To his sorrow and his joy
To the belief that one day he would be dumb
To the belief that one day he would live