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Monday, December 21, 2009

My Daughter

I saw her smiling in her little dress, 3 years old she was. Running wildly and grinning a huge smile. She knelt down to pick up flowers; did something extraordinary then... She smelt them. Too long since I'd done that I thought... How did she manage to know that there is a distinct smell to them?
I saw, in an instant, my dreams in her face; my dreams, which I had ignored in favour of my shell and all that came with it. My dreams used to arise from impulse and gut feel, they used to poke out like a trampoline in a trough. What I did was to the contrary...
I went into that trough, dug a little deeper and built myself an environment where I would be safe. I had ignored most of what I had done up until then, because I felt that I needed to start over. I remember crying in that dry pool till an oasis sprouted. I remember uprooting grass and shoots.
When I saw my child, I saw that the most natural thing for man to do is to enjoy life. Enjoyment; how little we think of that notion. Could not remember when last I had left my worries behind... And there she was, careless and glowing.
I cried then. I had not cried in too long... not since my oasis. Not since I had built that space to mechanical expectations. It was a welcome relief to feel my heart so heavy, for it gave me a feeling that I too could change.
She held my hand and I got frustrated because, well, this girl was on a roll! She brought out in me, a fatherhood that I had never quite understood. All of a sudden I was overcome with weakness. Years of building had left no time for questioning myself. I felt weak, but I felt happy.
Kids bring out the best in us because we see in them, what we should be.
We see in them, what we can be.
There are individuals, there are followers, there are leaders, there are ignorants and then there are kids...

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