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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I lost her

I talk to her now in my sleep as I believe in an uncertain future. All seems lost and she has the potential to help me out. Of course, she chooses not to because as everyone knows, everyone has their own issues. We are always alone and she is alone. She saw me in school a long time ago and I remember being speechless, not because she was pretty but because she impressed me. There was just something to her demeanour; that made me want to know her a bit more. Saw her in class the next week and I tried my best to approach her in an unassuming way. It worked. We became friends.
One fine day she told me that she liked me secretly; I grew scared because I had no belief in myself. I had a fear of being someone, of being accepted by her friends, of going through my path, or much rather, finding my path!
I am lost now too.. and we are friends now. But I cannot muster up the courage to tell her that I really do not want the bond that she requests. All that I can accommodate is myself. And most probably, I want nothing whatsoever...
I have had enough of society, but I haven't had enough of companionship. This letter goes nowhere. It is cold outside as I look down at the side of this mountain, where I am so away from most things. I think I ought to relinquish this lifestyle and adapt to society. Forget my flaky wants and embrace what lies there.
I carry too heavy a burden and it pains me each day. This is what I have felt for too long, and there is no escaping it.
However, as I mentioned before - the only escape seems to be through her. I wonder if she would understand - as she isn't around anymore. She is somewhere, with her new friends and most probably with her companion. Of course, she has found someone by now. She is like me but she is smarter. She made the correct choice I believe.

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