Boy

Vanity has been hollowed and for good reason,
I will not accept pride and fiefdom.
See how wretched we get with age
As it gnaws at our exterior
There is nothing to cling onto
Except for the various chemicals that keep us new
For the soul rots from within
And the soul is seen by the ones who were close
Take a look at yourself darling
There is nothing that you can wake yourself up to
There is a constant burden at your heart
And the peace is long gone.

Turn back to how things once were
As only a few years ago
When your eyes were big
And you were naive
When you were small and you looked up
With your small frame and your absent mind
Thoughts ran through your head
And words never came out
You were cheated by a few
And you were alone
This was before you were proud.

Remind yourself that you have lost things now
And that you will find things soon
You will find a way
And a place in this world
And some day soon...
You will sleep at peace again
Hoping that it is not disturbed.

But remember this my darling
You will always be disturbed
Because you are wretched at heart
And the vile will find a way out.
Remember then, as I ask you now
To look at that picture from many years ago
When you stepped out alone
And knew that you were alone.

Warriors of Life

There is a song in my heart when I look at her lines
I aim to sail to the line where the twain meet
Every few hours a tear rolls down my skin
Remembering the fire at that hill
And touching the pale of that air

White lights at night bellow at me
To follow them to the darkness
Flight of the birds I see
And I shake my head in disgust

I left my friends behind
And I left my sack at home
I wonder if I ever had one...
Eyes poke at me
For I have lost control

I once thought that I was born with gold
But a realization then dawned
That nothing is made well
And nothing hold its own shape.

I thought that a smile was elusive
And memories were haunting
I see now that nothing need be forgotten
Your mind does that for you

So I will hold your head
And you will hold mine
As I sail with you
Towards that distant line
Where the twain meet
And creatures fill our heart

Fear not
For all will be lost
It is a certainty
Hold that knowledge well
And I will hold you
Till I have the courage to.

River

With my back against the coconut shell I stared at the sky
Waiting for the water to drop down on me
A gentle breeze and my feet in the water
Saw some fish around me and I made a gurgling sound
Whistling at the air and thinking of space
Was away from them as they ate each other raw
Was away from touch and that is just unfathomable
The roar of the water turned loud
As I neared a fall
I panicked at first and then let go
As I fell that deep length
And now I fly
Alone and in my space
Staring at the stars as I had always dreamed
Looking at the beings in disgust
And watching over the ones who used to be dear.

Pictures in Sand

Brown haired boy drawing in the sand,
The wind waving his hair and he continues
Painting pictures of beliefs of happiness...
Waves lash around and he continues
A soft murmur from the tress ahead
But he cared not to look up
He has the stick and he continues
Looking down at his creations
And how happy he feels
Turning his face to his right,
He saw the boulder that had stood there for long
As long as he could remember
He longed to look beyond it
But he was too short
And he thought he was too weak
So he went up to the shore line,
And then up the gentle slope of sand
Only to witness his height altered.
Climbing to the top of a coconut tree
Afraid of falling
And afraid of crying with pain
He looked now, beyond the boulder.
All he could see was water
He was disappointed
But then he turned to crawl back down

He had been longing for something that he had possessed for too long
Ignoring the murmurs from the trees
Ignoring all that could change his life
All that he cared not for...
He had given himself up to the boulder
For too long,
He cried now for he saw what he should have seen earlier
Tiny people
The same size as him and
The same make as him
He thought that he would crawl down and run to them
But when he came down, he thought
He thought that he should, once again,
Go and see the pictures
He saw the pictures
The pictures were from inside him
He destroyed them...
Not really...
Those pictures still remain,
But they no longer haunt him
He unburdened himself
And he walked to the other side

He is sad now.
He is sad for he was happy alone.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
He thinks now, of the time when he can
Once again...
Go back to his sand,
And hold his brush
And draw again...
Away from people
Away from opinions
And away from attachment
His boulder was his support
But he felt too weak now.
He was too weak.



Some weeks ago
I saw the boy again
He held the hand of a tall woman
She guided him to security
Away from the lecherous little people
To fire and to warmth
To seclusion and to contentment
Away from the boulder
To a new land
And a new thought
And a new form
She left him there
To find his own way
And grow up by himself.

I met the boy today
He was crying
I reached out to touch his face
And he reached out to touch mine.

Hatred

When I channel my focus on hatred, it is a powerful tool. I used it against that demon lady. She had a body to kill for and so I decided to kill my anger. I turned it to hatred just as you did. I hate you with the frustration of magma. You did nothing except strip down in front of me and unleash your glorious nakedness. When you did that, all that I could wait for was to destroy you. Destruction is good for it allows change. Change is good and evil because it creates life.
There were times when she wanted her sexual desires fulfilled and all that I could do was give her pain. Orgasmic, glorious pain. Her screams did not tell me that, her eyes did. She would come back for more, and I would never allow her to touch me.
One day, I broke a glass and used a shard to scrape skin off of my thighs. I had to let the pressure out. People don't know this, but the colour of blood is exhilarating - the colour. Once I found this source, I decided that this was the end; I would no longer fulfill the desires of that vixen. I thought of killing her but decided against it. Instead, I moved away without a word and sent her vicious reminders of the man she used to be with. I never saw her reactions but I knew that I pained her, because all I wanted was revenge.

Last month, I got married. She is a gentle person and I take care of her. We spend time together and time away from each other. We give each other space and we quarrel once in a while. She knows that I smile often and she also says that I speak in my sleep. She tells me that I speak of holding hands, and once I say that, I put my arms around her. She doesn't know of the demon from my past. She wouldn't believe that I was the same person...

Mist

All shall fade
I cried at that thought
Knowing well, that I truly believed in this.
Death is one of the most evident examples of fades...
Wait for it and live for it
We gnaw at what we hold close
Hoping so much that nothing changes.
But change is what creates entertainment.
Unwanted as it may be...
All shall fade
Hold nothing close
Step back and hold a spear
Jab at who gets close
And crush what gets dear
Better to control sorrow
Rather, its occurrence
Nothing shall remain
For all shall fade