Pointless

I wonder if I will ever escape this circle; I grow scared.
Will I ever be able to put my hand into my bucket?
The list shall remain untouched...
And I grow scared.
Smiling faces make me think and the accompanied efforts at blending make me whine
Driving past into the mist and the cold air reminds me of some thoughts that made me feel warm.
There were ideas inside me, and there are ideas inside her.
She sees me now and I say to her that I grow scared.
She has no words of comfort; all she has is a smile.
As she looks down upon me and nods her head in care;
I helped her out and now she holds me straight.
Flying saucers and drumming pans, the food is cooked and the waste is clean.
I sit to eat and I look around.
There is nobody there and there is no one with me.
I grow scared as I look into my plate,
I see a delicious meal and I begin to eat.
There is no salt.

There are dry conversations all around
People talking about people and sports and business and life.
I saw a lone stranger in a park gazing up at the sky on a chilly winter night.
She looked miserable, but at least she wasn't a nuisance.
I spoke to her
And she spoke to me - this is how we landed up together.

Times went by and time went by
We grew tolerant of each other and rode out the storms
She is tired now as she stands outside the door
She is waiting for me to open the door.
What I am trying to do is long for her and long for her anger.

So I opened the door and she yelled at me.
An insect had bit her on her neck
It looked more like a hickey.
It wasn't me;
Must have been some other guy (or girl)
Alas, she cheated.

But did I ever own her?
Did I ever have the right to control her decisions?
I think not...
I chose my path and my monogamy;
She chose her fulfillment.
May be I am horrible in bed...
So, what should I do?

Wallow in self pity?
Think of going to a prostitute and asking her to teach me?
I prefer sitting here at home...
Seeing her get angry, and waiting for her to leave me