To Walk

Trudging along in black pants
These men they looked morose
A curve for a back
And a brick on their minds
Smiling a fake
And smelling a stench

Their days went by
And one day soon
Sunlight left for another clime
Gray was all
And burdens were a part

I heard murmurs of mindless monotony
I saw dark faces drinking dark spirits
I have seen the future
Therefore I walk
To my own land
To failure on my terms
For I remember what I thought
When I stepped on this earth
To walk is to live.

Clock-unwise

I'm staring at the second-hand on an old wooden clock
Ticking away ruthlessly
My body twitches
For I want to use time well
But is it for me to control?
I sail everyday just like you do
And I breathe once in a while
Just to realize that now is alright
And then might never come to me
It isn't that complex if I choose to take a step back...
Just one tiny step
And I look at their backs
And their heads bowed down
Hiding a frown...
Carpe Diem - said a voice
It was a child on the ground
Seizing... not clutching...
It's easy to be swept away with the crowd
It's easy to be broken down
It's easier to take a small step back

Ladies

It dawned on me a while ago, that she had a hold on me. It wasn't too tight, but somehow it said that there was no escape. The funniest part was that it felt invisible. I had always thought that I would be steering - guess not. Never thought that I would be controlled one day, and even now there is something that tells me that I have not yet been tamed. I still tend to look up and I still tend to believe. May be this is indeed the purpose of life; to make it through, alive. I think about it and I believe that she wants me to come to her, within her circle. The disappointment is that I am drawn. I am torn because I want them both. There is one person who can make me proud and there is another person who can make me content. I wonder if I could choose both of them...

Walk Away

Knelt on his bed as he shook off his tire
Looking across at the girl next to him
He wore a coat, a hat and took his heart
Walking alone in the cold below...

Last night was a relief, he thought
Falling away into the darkness of belongings
He wants no attachment
And he wants no society
He wishes to live for nothing
But he always lives for something

It is love, it is ego, it is pride, it is sleep, it is intelligence.
Elusive it is... Everything is out of reach
Always and continually.

He walks alone in the cold
As his head begins to switch off
The cold air numbs the brain
No thoughts, no songs and no cries accumulate
There is room for nothing except for the quest to walk

He stops now,
And shuts his eyes, knowing very well that she is still at home
He hates her and his bed and his home and his clothes
He hates the mere thought of success
He loathes happiness
That's it!
He always loathed happiness...

With eyes shut,
He sees the flat sand and the blue water
A mountain on the horizon
And solace at the top

Passion was missing, he thought
He thought himself intelligent
And he knew that all that awaited on that mountain was peace
He longed for peace now
But he would long for happiness then

Spirals they are
Intertwined and revolting
Black and barren
Souls walk alone on them

Eyes shut
He turned around to go back
To his wife and his daughter
To his sorrow and his joy
To the belief that one day he would be dumb
To the belief that one day he would live

Anguis in a Letter

Do I ask for too much when all I ask for is to behold?
Where might I find you? - is what I ask.
A smile is what I look forth to...
When all that I require is your glance.
No, it is not time yet.
For the wait shall prove a few things.
This wait I have decided to endure.
For it is imperative that I know,
Who I want to be with.
A romantic I may be,
And a foul mind I may have.
Deep desires and simple requests.
I am too complex;
Such that I am easy to interpret.
I word too much at times.
And I say my stories as they arise.
I look forth to seeing you.
One fine day.
Whenever that day may come.
Until then I ask of you this -
Stay available.
It is easy to stray...
But know this you.
Keep no regrets.
Move on if you must.
But give a thought to me before you set course.
If a thought I am given,
I assure you this...
I will trouble you not.

A story

There was a boy I knew who was walking on grass towards a nearby hill. He had worn proper shoes so he could walk easily; there came a stream and so he mustered all the courage to jump across. When he turned around he saw that it was an approximately 10 foot wide river with a bridge across it. He shrugged it off and entered a cave. Now, let me just say that this boy was quite timid. He always worried about the future but on this particular day he seemed rather keen on emptying his desires. He carried a torch along because he knew that it was to be a long day and quite unknown. He could feel the mud crawling up his shoes and what would have normally seemed as disgusting, now seemed exhilarating. He turned around to see a dim light. Ahead was all dark. But his torch was pretty radiant and he could manage the turns and the uneven path. This was not a lone cave I must say. This was a tried path. To his right, now, he saw bones. Bare bones with spiders feasting on them. He saw a pond up ahead. Black as the surrounding and calm like the outside.

With all his clothes on he entered right in and sat at the other end with a girl. She looked quite ordinary but she said that she resided there alone. She was in fact really happy that the boy had come along. She finally had some company you see. The boy realised that in over 25 years of his existence he always craved for the physical and the erotic and right then, he realised that all he ever wanted was a beautiful mind. They kissed each other and held each others hands as they spoke of their past lives. The rollercoaster rides and the support systems. How their beliefs had changed over the years and who they were right then. They wished to be like that forever. Not in the context of romance but with respect to individuality. They had their distinct ideologies that gave them a confidence to shun the world and still be a part of it. The blasphemous society that ridiculed the extraordinary, that worshiped the superficiality and the craved for the unreachable. All that would one day wash away.

They saw in the pond a reflection of what had been and the enormity of all that lay ahead. Music, food, intelligentia, sloth, the arts and the pursuit of the naked. This is what was common. They could feel each other sighing and weeping. The thing they realised was that, alone - it just seemed futile and dreary. For all that showered might in them, they had but a single flaw. They were human.
The boy spoke now, "Let me take you with me; I know you want to stay here and you have lost all hope of what lies ahead. But let me be selfish and tell you that all I need right now is you. I wonder if I should call it love. . . But clearly, it does not matter you know. All that I know is that I am comfortable with you." She smiled and they dived into the pond. Out they came - wet, partially dressed, disillusioned and smiling. They sat at the edge of the cave. They looked at the outside and the light where the rest of civilization resided and they looked at the inside where all was pure and dark. They laughed quite heartily and held each other. She rested on his shoulder and he smelled her wet skin. Droplets of water fell on the girl's forehead and she laughed some more.

The guy justified himself. He said, " It is not the romantic and utopia, it is just that I can feel the blood flowing through me again. I am not trying to sound poetic sweety, just that I have not been able to feel my life for a long time now." The sun was setting and they decided to sleep there. Alone and cold with only each other for company. But you know how it is right? Two people get bored after a while whereas a person alone will never get bored of himself. This was so unusual - thing is they did not speak much. They slept soon and woke up with the rays of the sun.

They went back to society that day and met the next day. They climbed a hill, to build a cottage. Well furnished with basic facilities. Something to keep one cool and something to keep one warm. A stock of food. A large bed. A patch of grass. No television, no computer, no telephone, no mobile charger.

They decided that every weekend they would try to get out and come to this place on the hill that hopefully no other soul discover. Some weekends will be outings with dear friends and most weekends will be random things that need not have consequence.
The girl wanted to build a schooling system, a university, a hospital chain and restaurants. The boy wanted to create a company where the mighty survived and the intelligent thrived. The reason they finally pursued their dreams seems fairly obvious. They had finally found a support system.

One night the girl called up her partner, "Listen, I will be late tonight - so please don't stay up." The guy said, "Sure, just let me know if you need me to pick you up." And that was the end of the conversation.
The girl came home later, tired - to find a full plate of food on the table and her partner on the sofa watching a movie. It was 2 at night. They laughed and ate together.

Some years later, they went walking through the grass to the same cave. Something had changed. It seemed darker now. May be they had grown accustomed to the light. They entered the cave, removed their clothes, held hands and walked across to the pond. They swam across and sat on the ledge again. Legs dangling and smiles wide. They looked at the dark water and rested on the cold rock. They slept.

The boy turned old, a balding head and wrinkling eyes. The girl is old too, not as slender as she used to be and has trouble hearing. They go to the cottage more often now. They still talk with interest. The guy is a millionaire who spent much of his money traveling and donated a chunk of it to his partner. The girl is known through the lands for what she has done. She is happy with what she has managed to create.

They spoke of the day when the guy rescued the girl and the girl rescued the guy. They laughed. They decided to get married when they spoke about this. Not many people knew about the event. It was held at the cottage.

Some years thence, they were sitting on the swing at the garden and the guy took his last breath. The girl wept, and arranged for a celebration after the funeral for all the years that the guy had celebrated. It was a beautiful idea. The girl killed herself the next day because there was nothing life to hold on to.

The cottage still remains.
The pond still holds their faces.
The ledge is marked territory.
Nobody enters the cave now.
For people still remember the relationship of a boy and a girl.