A Rebirth

What happened to those things inside me?
Where did my melancholy go?
I remember myself
And yet that is still me
Could it be real this alchemy
That has calmed me down
To a feeling I have never known
And yet could it be
That I value it not
This lightness of being
This health in my mind
And this joy of my new dance
What happened to the clouds?
What happened to the brooding silences?
May be it was somebody else
May be somebody stole me

A Child in June

It was a whisper in a vast field
The memory I had hidden away
It came back with an odd vengeance
And I recognise little of it now

The rains smell different today
As though a burden lifted from a weary earth
The air seems cleaner
It makes me light

'Tis just a rational exuberance
Like falling from the skies
There is no magic there
Only a potent promise ahead

A Tuesday Evening

Globes of white shone up
There was wonder
And there was a longing
Two lines quivered in red
And a space between was found
Caressed softly in that enclosed space 

Mischief

Was a cold, tiny hand in mine
It had found its warmth
Was a snake coiled around me
On that dead and gorgeous night.

A small wind blew
And I sensed a change in me
Scary was that forgotten feeling
But if forgotten
How could it be true?

Only time would say
If that beckoning was meant
Or was just a grain of time...
Never to be touched again
Or to be cherished forever
In a chasm deep inside
In the chasm reopened...

Clock-unwise

I'm staring at the second-hand on an old wooden clock
Ticking away ruthlessly
My body twitches
For I want to use time well
But is it for me to control?
I sail everyday just like you do
And I breathe once in a while
Just to realize that now is alright
And then might never come to me
It isn't that complex if I choose to take a step back...
Just one tiny step
And I look at their backs
And their heads bowed down
Hiding a frown...
Carpe Diem - said a voice
It was a child on the ground
Seizing... not clutching...
It's easy to be swept away with the crowd
It's easy to be broken down
It's easier to take a small step back

Lessons

While I stand at this bridge and see the cars zoom by below my feet, I think about all the rides that we decide to go through. I grow tired of the monotony of the cars, all the while knowing that every car has a different story and there are smiles and frowns inside each car. Change is difficult to fathom and still we move like ants in a mini-cage, towards that which is never know, knowing fully well that the journey makes like interesting. We move because we don't have much else to do. We congregate because that is supposed to be the way of life. Sorrows, they come and go and still we hold on to them as though they will never leave. It makes me smile when I remember all the days gone by when I used to be full of pain, then again, there are very few of those days - partially because I choose to remember me smiling. And frankly, I don't even have to try to smile, it just happens. It's not seen well by the people around me who view me as a cynic and a bottled soul. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and it's the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors - what may look like contradictory statements are in fact synonymous. I find great solace in the white clouds above my head today for they move so fluently and carelessly. Occasionally, I start singing. The songs are usually sad, because sad songs appeal to me. I believe it's rather difficult to write about happiness, but venting sadness comes rather naturally to people. Have you ever held a rod in your hands and wondered why it decided to remain a rock? We are all here to learn!

A queer love story

I join the dots and she is making her hair. I assemble the pieces and she puts on her dress. She looks wonderful right now and I feel like smiling. So I start crying as I think of all that I lost. She is standing now and she is crying because I asked her to marry me. I knew she would say yes, so I bought her an orchid. There is something about a girl who cries that makes her all the more beautiful. Of course, I told her this, to which she slapped me. I said ouch and she said sorry. We held hands as we jumped through the streets and into the restaurant. They served food there, which was better than it had ever been - simply because I had made the food. I lied, we did not go out, we stayed in and we ate well. We saw a movie that made her smile and that made me laugh. "O look! Where have we come to!!"
She never thought that there would be such a day, but here it was and here we were. Holding hands, as she lay in my lap and I thought of a time that had passed us by too long ago. Back then, things were uncertain, and uncertainty breeds angst; and so, as she recalls, both of us were sad. However, she had her dreams - she wanted to be a sorceress and I wanted to be a janitor. That was all that we wanted and if that had been the path we had chosen, things would have been drastically different. I thank luck that brought the two of us together on that safari. She relinquished her desires to be that witch and instead decided to be a bitch. She treated me horribly, to which I realised that I should not be a janitor for, in order to tackle her down I would have needed to be powerful.
So be it. That is what brought me to be this man that I am today.
I stroke her hair and she falls asleep. She is dreaming of us, I can tell. Why? Because I see her grinning and scowling. That is what she has always been.
My back was aching when she woke up because she had been sleeping for 10 hours straight and I did not feel like waking her up. This is me. She slapped me with a frying pan so I was out cold.
Now I sleep next to her as she reads a book. It is called "Roads to the Abyss"
51 years and 26 days from now, she dies.
I try living for a few days and I realise that although I could, there was no particular reason to my existence. I had created all that I wanted to and these past few years it was mostly the time spent with her that made me wake up each morning.
So I took a life killer medicine and I killed myself.
That's that.

I wonder who makes the food in the house now.