A girl cries

It is a bright, cold day and I think of love.
Enchanting and enigmatic I think it to be.
There is not clear course I believe.
But as I lay here and stare at the white clouds.
I ask myself when I will stray onto that path again.
I dread it because everything tends to be temporary.
I ache for it, for that is who I am.
I cannot indulge in the shallow pleasures of life.
What I see around me is always something meaningful.
When I stare at these white clouds, they speak to me.
They say to me: Join me O darling princess, for it is here that you will find your charming.
I look at the bottle of wine and realize that may be I had too much to drink.
I look inwards at my home and how peaceful it appears.
I wonder if I could ever be a part of a relationship again.
I know that the answer is yes.
May be 'could' ought to be replaced with 'will'.
Then I go to thinking as I sing a song about love and happiness.
I go to thinking of a time when I reach home and I am alone.
Will that life be appealing to me.
I believe not.
What are the odds that I will find a decent guy in this screwed up world?
Well, there are many of them.
But most decent men tend to be useless buggers.
Too many flaws with them.
May be my standards are too high,
Or may be I will evolve or de-evolve; whatever way it works.
I have had enough of taking a train to downtown.
I need some peace in my life now.
My lilac bed screams to me.
And I sush it.
I look at my bottle of wine.
And I gulp it down.
One day, I will share this wine with somebody.
Dammn... wonder if there are decent men in this world...