Flight to belonging

He looked across at me and smiled.
He smiled because he was crying.
Thinking of the days gone by when the 2 of us would be together.
Alone or even with our friends.
There were times when we would speak at length and times when we would hardly open our mouths.
I found him innocent and enigmatic.
There was always this crazy side to him that I am still in love with.
I still think of the long drives, the great music, the silent seats and the peace.
May be it is something that both of us always shied away from.
It was something both of us were too scared of.
What if he would leave me or what if he had nothing to talk to me about and slowly the love would fade?
And then just a few days back it struck me that love is a creation.
There is no reason why I can sit peacefully at home with my brother or drive peacefully with my best friend.
And that answered it for me - all that I ever want is peaceful times.
2 people cannot always talk and cannot always be around each other.
I feel like such a kid but well, I wonder if he understand what I understand now. . .
Then again, I know that he was always quite bright.
I think he knew this - but somewhere, he did not want to raise my hopes.
Yeah - -yeah, I think that is it.
He never walked across because he never wanted to spoil the peace.
He understood that if I was not ready - him crossing over to 'love' would ruin it all.
May be - hell, I know he always waited for me to say yes before he could ask.

But I wonder if he will still be there.
Knowing what his mind is made of I know for sure that he must be gazing at the sky or the sea right know and mulling over his decisions and thinking of where his current path is headed.

I feel foolish right now - our friends never thought of us as a couple and I never thought I would ever want to be in a relationship again after what I had gone through the first time.
It is sad how my surroundings had influenced me to treat love as a great and mighty creation.
It is bullshit - it is as complex as the air we breathe methinks.