Music

I tore a page of white to cover my scrawny face.
You shall not see the spots
For I am too scared
May be just hold onto that which is dear
Not for you to see and for you to judge
I thought I would never play it again
But I am now out of fear
And I see that I am better at it now than I ever used to be
Seemed too mechanical at first
But now seems interesting
I may never be good at it
But I can say proudly now, 'I tried.'

Lessons

While I stand at this bridge and see the cars zoom by below my feet, I think about all the rides that we decide to go through. I grow tired of the monotony of the cars, all the while knowing that every car has a different story and there are smiles and frowns inside each car. Change is difficult to fathom and still we move like ants in a mini-cage, towards that which is never know, knowing fully well that the journey makes like interesting. We move because we don't have much else to do. We congregate because that is supposed to be the way of life. Sorrows, they come and go and still we hold on to them as though they will never leave. It makes me smile when I remember all the days gone by when I used to be full of pain, then again, there are very few of those days - partially because I choose to remember me smiling. And frankly, I don't even have to try to smile, it just happens. It's not seen well by the people around me who view me as a cynic and a bottled soul. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and it's the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors - what may look like contradictory statements are in fact synonymous. I find great solace in the white clouds above my head today for they move so fluently and carelessly. Occasionally, I start singing. The songs are usually sad, because sad songs appeal to me. I believe it's rather difficult to write about happiness, but venting sadness comes rather naturally to people. Have you ever held a rod in your hands and wondered why it decided to remain a rock? We are all here to learn!

Scratching at the surface now...

It's a continual scrape at my chest as my heart shivers violently.
I'm scared, to tell you the truth.
I'm scared of what lies ahead and I feel like breaking down.
I don't want it anymore,
I just crave to escape it.
May be I'll keep running away from one city to the next,
Till I find solace and some breath.
There's a throbbing pain at my head;
Something's prodding from underneath my bone.
I can withstand it for now,
But the way I see it ending is
Me falling into the sea
And not being able to shout for help;
May be I don't want help.
That shall be my goodbye.

Influences

As she stared at me, she knocked at my face
She asked me to sing.
And sing I did.
It wasn't pleasant, but it was a relief.

Stroking my hair, she asked me to dance.
'Noway!!' I bellowed
She pushed me to the ground
And I spat back at her
With the movement of my feet.

There was nothing in me
I had never felt it growing
But there I was
A grown man
Believing in the truth and
Believing that good things happen
As long as I would push hard.

When I look back
All that I can say is that she was a painful influence
And I would be happy to rid myself of her
But not yet.
I still need to use her
May be she will throw me away tomorrow
I hope she does.

Penning thoughts

Writing a story today with this pen I hold
The music helps me out
Melodies and harmonies
How amusing they are!!
For they can lift an idle mind's soul
He said to me that there was nowhere but disaster
I nodded along
I cared not to believe as much
Well, it's his wish I say
And what will be will be
For now, I have to write a short story
About my mind and the peace it longs for
Won't be long before I will realise if I fit in
Let's just say that I long for my home
There are no sexual desires
There are no burning ambitions
There is, however, a want for adventure
I aim to entertain myself with these experiments
A playground, I call it at times
Sometimes I succumb to it
And I hold my head and cry out some tears
For life is perplexing
And an occasional smile makes me smile
I now walk
Or am I standing still?
Time will tell

Chaos

For all that is needed is a sliver of truth
Not through the mouth
But in one's eyes
Some old and passionate courage
Lost as it is
To the drumming of a mundane life;
Spice it up and fly all down
Snap a twig and lay beneath the clouds
Hear the snap carefully
For we have forgotten what that is.
Clenched teeth and frigid bodies
I see you now as you hold yourself together
Wary of being run over
Of being hurt and feeling pain,
Forget it all for one moment
And give way to the spirit within
Soar as you may
For you are able;
Say yes to chaos
For you are not a special seed
You will wither just as another...
Take some pictures now
For embedded in your mind they shall remain,
Long for the extremes
You will never near them
But a different horizon will be seen
For the smile within and the sights forever
Hold them close, but not too tight
For you will let go
As you will me
And you will you
Permanence is a concept
Unfounded as its utterance