My Daughter

I saw her smiling in her little dress, 3 years old she was. Running wildly and grinning a huge smile. She knelt down to pick up flowers; did something extraordinary then... She smelt them. Too long since I'd done that I thought... How did she manage to know that there is a distinct smell to them?
I saw, in an instant, my dreams in her face; my dreams, which I had ignored in favour of my shell and all that came with it. My dreams used to arise from impulse and gut feel, they used to poke out like a trampoline in a trough. What I did was to the contrary...
I went into that trough, dug a little deeper and built myself an environment where I would be safe. I had ignored most of what I had done up until then, because I felt that I needed to start over. I remember crying in that dry pool till an oasis sprouted. I remember uprooting grass and shoots.
When I saw my child, I saw that the most natural thing for man to do is to enjoy life. Enjoyment; how little we think of that notion. Could not remember when last I had left my worries behind... And there she was, careless and glowing.
I cried then. I had not cried in too long... not since my oasis. Not since I had built that space to mechanical expectations. It was a welcome relief to feel my heart so heavy, for it gave me a feeling that I too could change.
She held my hand and I got frustrated because, well, this girl was on a roll! She brought out in me, a fatherhood that I had never quite understood. All of a sudden I was overcome with weakness. Years of building had left no time for questioning myself. I felt weak, but I felt happy.
Kids bring out the best in us because we see in them, what we should be.
We see in them, what we can be.
There are individuals, there are followers, there are leaders, there are ignorants and then there are kids...

Don't Worry... Be Crappy...

Pink stones at the top of the hill...
Gathering them one at a time.
People walking in circles at the time of noon
Squawk goes the bird and pretty smiles come about.
Fear nothing
Fear nothing
Hold nothing for too long.
Never lose yourself and keep experimenting - said the wise man.
Rigid beliefs he had and he held his head high.
Shaking his legs for he was restless.
Pendulum he saw swaying from here to beyond.
Yes!
That's what he said.
For he believed that all is lost for nothing is ever there.
Eeee Haw !!!
Find the fire!
He beckoned.
He laughed at her for she had lost herself
But then she saw that small child playing with the ball
She said then, as she made up her mind.
She said then... I shall stand up for myself and rid myself of this stupid boss.
Anger and frustration.
Boy looks up at the man he is
And the changed friend he found today.
Adios amigo!
Some other time...
For I have other things on my mind.
For I have too much to run after.
The most significant of which is love.
Love for myself.
Love for my beliefs and my endless pursuits to the depths of that dark pit.
Flowers around.
Rain pours down upon hapless souls.
Screaming for mercy they were.
And then said the gymnosophist...
He said something profound.
He said something that had never been heard.
It was laughter.
Wait
Stop
Hear that again.
It was laughter.
Have you laughed today O sad being?
Worry not, for there are demons around.
Worry not, for there are angels flying.
Worry, only for the lost you.
Worry that you have lost you.
Worry that you have lost you...
Worry about sanity.

Backing off

I'm just thinking too much about this progress and what if I back off...Nothing goes anywhere and all I hear everytime are convoluted statements together with this hope and these expectations. I theorize and I fall on my face because it scares me. Yeah, I think I just might go ahead with these decisions, for life is all about taking chances and being a pretty donkey - obeying your heart's commands and listening to your brain. She held my hand and I held a rock. Buildings were drawn and people were labeled. Long lines and static intelligence. Why are we this way? We are hurt too easily and we dream too childishly. I hold a book now and it stares right back at me. It says to me that I am not worthy of it. Stupid book. Hearts throbbing and deep breaths. Faulty english and trained masseurs. Relief shall be found as people fart and the stench is taken in. I might back off if I see that things are not going where they ought to and if I see myself as not worthy or focused enough for craze. Peace. Give me that. Pieces. Give me those.

Izhaar

I'm holding my head as I remove this love. Bear with me for a few more weeks. Let me control you for a few more months and I will let you know. I wear a fancy jacket and tap dance to you. Standing there with your awkward posture, you shake your head and smile. Smiling fool! It's ok I say, may be she understands. I come closer and you move away. I run up and hold you to tell you I care. No other words could well describe how I feel. You spit on my face and I wiped it off. That's how shameless I've become. You smile and say OK. Then you say get lost. I start laughing because I know how insane you are. You say you have someone else. I grow sad. And you take his name. His name was one of my nicknames. Funny joke I say! And so I slap you. You cry and say that you are hungry. You want to have some sizzlers. I say Yoko's and you say Kobe's. I say watevs!!
And so you drive and I mess with you. You grow annoyed and slap me. Aah. All ok I say. Leaning over, and I kiss you. You slap me again. I laugh. Your turn now, you try to kiss me, and bang into the car next to yours. Well, almost. We reach the place and I ask you to wait. For I have to say what I have to say. I start my story about when I started liking you and all the BS I went through to try and get to know you. You tell me of all the times that you had flirted with me and I was too dumb to understand that. We breathe a deep sigh and decide to eat something else inside your stupid car. Too much effort to go out and face the world. Annoying humans.

So here we are.
Sitting in your car.
Facing the waves.
A light breeze touches you.
I feel like burping but I hold it back.
Would spoil the pleasant moment.
Naah, I let it out.
You laugh and tell me that that is precisely why you like me.
The smell of my burp?
No!! Your stupidity.
We sit alone and stare at the waves.
Feeling at peace.
And giggling inside our puny hearts.

Ashes

Here I stand as I see my dreams and I light up the dark
Rainbows I hold and my eyes stay black
People walk hand in hand and they curve away
Aeroplanes and elephants with skirts drawn up tight
Beautiful white and sky high water;
Splashing about and naked mermaids
Buff bodies and puffed up fish
This is all I see and this where I want to be
Jokers laugh and mourners cry
People come and go on by
I keep telling myself that nothing is constant and nothing will be held
The cold air hurts me and my hollow heart aches
For things go on by and time flies past
Lovers lie on each other and talk while laughing
Lovers walk together, silent and quarreling...
Spiked hair and straightened hair

This is how I pass my time as I stare out of my window
I see animals walking together going into the sunset
I see them scared and alive

Take support my love for you are weak
Everything seems hazy and there is nobody near you
I know that pretty clearly for I have spoke to you
I believe I know you well but it confuses me still
It confuses me when you wear that white dress and that crooked smile
But I will say to myself that I know you.
That's that.
Naked trees await on a barren land.
Ash and a pot - and that is all that is left of me.

Eyeless in the morning sun

I am flapping as hard as I can but I see no way through these broken shards.
The horizon is circular and I see a kite fly past
I lunged to grab it but it was made of silk
There goes my saviour and I cried away
I am ignoring this situation and the joy that it could bring me
There are no difficult decisions, only simple choices.
Most have been made but the loci of control do not allow peace.
I fear a lost connection and I fear having to walk alone.
There are concrete slabs and there is blood on the tar
Two bums were mating with each other and it wasn't a pleasant sight.
I got by and I saw the silken kite.
The peacock held it now and the peacock was dancing to the waving kite.
Dry leaves on the ground and crazy sparrows chirped away.
Whistling girl walked by
And my eyes faded away